Things that have me down

I'm sad.

I'm sad because my dog Shadow isn't doing to well. She's having a really hard time walking. It seems to be her right shoulder/arm. I'd take her into the vet, but I'm not sure I could get her into and out of the car. And, I'm afraid she'll recommend I put her down and I'm not ready for that yet. But, know that I never will be. I was up early this morning and decided I would call the vet and see if I could talk to her about it, but start to cry every time I even think about it so don't think I can even get through the conversation just now. I guess I'll hope and pray that tomorrow will be a good day. I just had Shadow in and the vet said not to count her out yet and that she would have good and bad days. I just don't want to be selfish and keep her around just for me if she is in pain or if it isn't the best for her.

I'm really unhappy in my job. Unhappy enough that I'm thinking about looking for another one or at least putting out feelers. I talked to my boss about it today and he said he thinks it will be getting better soon. I can't talk about the details, but I'm not sure how to do some of the things they want done with keeping my credibility as a leader or my integrity as an employee. It's not illegal, just bad leadership. I had lunch with a friend today and she asked me what I would want to be doing instead and, as I told her, really, what I'm doing now without all the BS that's going on right now.

My cousin, daughter, and husband (who I've know for almost 20 years and am friends with as well) came down again this weekend. Jim was layed off last week so stayed a few extra days. It was really great to have them here and to have Jim stay longer. Both Max and I loved it. Just the silly things like going around the neighborhood this morning following the trash truck. Or, Max taking a shower with Jim this morning instead of me (although Max tried to take one with me as well, but I wasn't buying it :). I'll miss having the extra adult around who is self sufficient, even if he did hog my laptop limiting my on-line time. It was nice.

I'm at the tail end of this cold and still not feeling 100%. I'm stuffy and tired, but no longer achy and exhausted.

Oddly, or maybe not so oddly, the fact that I was once again cancelled from an IUI, doesn't have me down. It's just a confirmation that moving to DE is the right thing for me and I feel at peace with that decision. My u/s today, after 4 days of 100 mg of clomid and 1 amp of (expired) Repronex, my two follicles on the left were at 10. They were 7 and 11 last Friday. The RE gave me the choice of adding injectables. I declined. As I told him, no point. I have some I could use, but may as well save them for someone who might actually respond to them. I may go back in if I feel like I may be close to ovulating to get it checked out for an IUI. Either way, with next bleed, I'm going on BCP's and calling it quits with my own eggs after this round. I'm ready.