Maybe

Blood has been donated to the cause for yet another beta, but not until late today so even with a STAT, I will not know until tomorrow. I really have no idea if this throw away unplanned, unmedicated cycle worked or not. I’m stuck on maybe. Maybe it did and maybe it didn’t. I seriously thought about going out to get an HPT, but decided I couldn’t be bothered and not to add additional stress. The reasons I think it may have worked is that I have felt a lot of twinges and pulls like I have only felt when pregnant and I took two solid naps this weekend which really has only happened when pregnant and after Max was born. Of course, I haven’t been sleeping great at night. I’ve either been having trouble falling asleep or waking up at 2 or 3 am and not able to fall back to sleep while pondering life and thinking maybe, maybe, maybe. Of course, I also am feeling crampy like I am going to start my period today. I’ve been bloated and “swollen”, especially in the boob area, but also have had too much sodium lately and probably not enough water. Basically, symptoms are inconclusive in my mind. I’m waiting for the qualitative beta results, which I could have had today if I missed any number of back to back work meetings for most of the day. Way back in the beginning, I would have. I just didn’t have it in me today. If would have been more work and harder to try to go earlier than it was worth. So, I wait until tomorrow while thinking in the back of my mind….maybe, maybe, maybe….could I be so lucky to finally not only get pregnant, but also get another child out if this….because…you know….a positive beta is only the very first toll gate. It gets you to the next step. Yes, I will be thrilled, but also cautious. And, the flip side of yes, is no. It could just be yet another negative. Likely, it is another negative. Yet, the changes are greater than zero. It is possible. Which brings me full circle back to maybe.