Lucky Remembered

God, I loved my dog so much. Words can’t even express the love, and respect, and admiration I had for Lucky. She was more than my best friend. She was my trusted companion. She had a zest for life. She had a spark. She made me (and Shadow) more fun. Even though I had talked about it, I am not sure I would have ever gone down the SMC path if she had not come into my life.

Max was having one of his nap boycott days. I lay down with Max this afternoon. He only slept for about 25 min. I didn’t sleep at all. I was about to doze off when I heard the squirrel using the roof as a track and racing back and forth across the room. I came fully alert waiting for Lucky to charge off the bed and demand to be let out so she could go put the squirrels in their place. Before I realized she was never going to do that again.

Shadow and I had to pick our own direction on tonight’s walk. Lucky was our leader. She always dictated which way we were going to go.

When Max and I got out of the bathtub tonight, I was surprised to find my bedroom door still closed. Lucky wasn’t there to barge in looking for me. When I put Max to sleep tonight, Lucky didn’t come in and whine when he was just about asleep.

She would great me at the door and grab a toy to play as soon as I opened the door. She was just fun to be around.

Lucky was truly my shadow. She felt her job was to keep my in sight and protect me no matter what. She was great at her job. In many ways, she was a high maintenance dog. She demanded attention and could charm just about anyone. Even at the end, she was more worried when I started crying and got upset than she was with her own failing health.

I miss her so much. It is going to be really, really hard getting used to life without her. I think Shadow is missing her too. And/or feels like she needs to be lead pack dog now and protect me because she came into Max’s room when I was putting Max down and followed me into my office and is lying next to me.

I am so blessed that Max is in my life. He has a zest for life and spark too. He is fun and happy and could even make me laugh and smile today when I was so sad to have lost Lucky.

Loosing Lucky is incredibly hard. It would have been much worse if Max wasn’t in my life.

Lucky was my 60 lb lap dog. She slept on the bed with me. When she was too weak last night to climb into bed, I laid next to her on the floor. Neither one of us slept much. I got up about 11 to go to the bathroom. She stirred and got up. Her signal that she wanted me to open the slider and let her out so she didn’t have to walk across the house and go through the doggy door. I followed her out just to make sure she was okay and to see if she pooped (she didn’t). While we were out there, Shadow came out and started barking at the fence. Lucky joined in for a second and then started swaying in her feet. Her mind was still there and she didn’t understand why she couldn’t make her body work. I knew then that the end was near for her. I cuddled and stroked her and said my goodbye for the rest of the night. By morning, she couldn’t move.

I thank God for letting Lucky be in my life. She brought me so much and made me a better person. We had such fun together. I’m thankful for the extra year I had with her. And, it wasn’t enough. It will never be enough.

I miss her so much. I want her back. I want to hug and kiss her one last time.

A friend came today from Central California to say her goodbyes to Lucky. She and I met through Lucky when Lucky was a puppy (and she lived here). We were going to take Lucky to the beach one last time and film her and Max together. Who knew Lucky would go so fast when we made those plans? Obviously, we never made that trip. But, she was able to be with me to say goodbye.

Have I mentioned how much I loved Lucky and how much I miss her?

I’m going to go crawl in bed and grieve for awhile.