Second time around, not same as the first

Today was back to work day. It didn't suck too badly. I had to fight traffic to head to one of our offices to get this computer problem worked out, but was back by noon to meet via phone with my boss. I did get all teary eyed while driving, but was saved from having a melt down by a cell call from a friend. Unlike with Max when I cried my eyes out when I went back, I got worked up about how different it is the second time around. I was actually so rushed to get Max and I ready and out the door and my computer packed up that I didn't even say goodbye to the babies when I left. That's what upset me. Sometimes, I feel so disconnected to them. It wasn't possible, nor will it be in the future to spend as much time with them one on one as I did with Max, as I would like to do. That's one of the reasons that I like going solo on the weekends as much as possible even if it is really hard. It helps us bond as a family and forces me to spend time with them in basic care like feedings and diapers if nothing else. When Noemi is here during the week, it is all too easy to just let her take care of the babies while I take care of Max and everything else. I guess that is just the way of it with second born babies in general and second born twins specifically. So, because I have had to leave the babies so much already since they have been born and since Noemi has already been doing the day shift with the babies, going back to work really wasn't that big of a deal. Granted, I didn't actually get much work done and ... I confess...I did go take a nap after I met with my boss...I was just so tired. It was one of those nights where I was up at 2 am to feed babies and pump. I climbed back in bed at 4 am and Max was up at 4:20. Anyway, the next few days should be pretty mellow at work because I don't actually have an official assignment yet. My boss and I talked about a few things depending on how they play out and I like one better than the rest, but will do whatever really. Until then, I can get my inbox cleaned up, do some training to meet my training target for the year, and go browse some corporate web pages to brush up on changes since I was out. There were some big ones that I don't feel comfortable discussing in such a forum. Anyway we all survived the first day. Max is asleep. Ray is watching Baby Bach while I pump and narrate for him and Noemi feeds Nora. Another day, almost done. Or, rather, night shift about to begin.