I kid you not

In the truth is often stranger than fiction category, I sat down and had my first bite of Thanksgiving turkey tonight (Sunday, November 30th) at 7:08 pm alone at my dinner table after the Sunday sitter left after a 80 minute nap in my own bed this afternoon after a two night, three day stay in the hospital with R as the patient and N along for the ride while Max had a sleepover with his aunt and his nana. I don't have the energy to get into all the minutia of the last few days. Suffice it to say, it wasn't pretty, but we all got through and all my children are asleep in their own beds and I hope to be doing the same as soon as I finish pumping.

I was in hospital hell in a hospital so old school it doesn't have wireless internet connectivity, not that I would have had much computer time. I was so tired that tears were easy to come, but busy enough that I didn't have much time to wallow in self pity. Below is a brief entry I made when I did have about 30 minutes to wallow while both babies were asleep at the same time.

Here I sit for another night in a place where I rather not be. Another hospital visit. Another overnight stay. R came down with an upper respitory infection and croup. Time goes by fast and slow at the same time. I miss my Max regardless of the fact that he is tolerating his sleep over with Aunt K and Nana just fine. At least they let me bring my N with us and I have both babies here. For pretty much the first time, other than the middle of the night, I have a moment to sit with nothing to do. That isn’t really a good thing. Being busy is better. I’d call some friends, but I’d just start crying and can’t talk. The biggest problem is lack of sleep. For two nights now, I haven’t gotten much sleep to speak and it’s taking it’s toll. For the first time today, I got the “oh, is he your grandson”. Ah, no, my son as I think how tired and bad I must look today. Forget the fact that I understand why R is here and that it is where he needs to be, I want to be home. I want us all to be home and healthy. Please let R be better not worse tomorrow and please let us go home tomorrow. This is not how I want to spend the weekend. I need a plan for if R has to stay Sunday night too. I don’t have one, good or otherwise. Hospitals suck no matter how necessary.

R is still a bit wheezing a bit, but not under such respiratory distress. Things peaked with the croup about Saturday midday. I'll continue to give him home breathing treatments as often as necessary. And, I will monitor him closely, but feel like he is on the upswing...as did the attending doc at the hospital or we wouldn't be home in our own beds tonight. N still has a bit of a cold/cough/wheezing as well, but thank goodness it didn't develop into croup...which was one of the worries and why she was allowed to stay with me in the hospital. She is getting breathing treatments and was given a round of steroids as a precaution as well.

Max seemed to tolerate the time away well. He had a great time at his sleepover, but did say he missed me. Oh, but not nearly as much as I missed him.

I have to say that I am very envious of those parents who haven't had hospital time with their children. I've had far, far too much this year and hope this is the last of it. I'm tired of hospitals. I don't like the fact that I know too well the "workings" at this point. May I never see the inside again for a very, very long time.