Readmitted

Nora was readmitted to the hospital today for observation. She was very lethargic with no awake time sleeping through feeds until I woke her (which should have been a good thing, right?). Lethargic enough that I was concerned. Worried enough that I didn't even think to remember my camera to take for her first peds visit. After talking with the ped and based on her history, he sent me and I was fully supportive of me going to the ER for testing. The ER doc ran some test and called the NICU and one of those docs came to see her and agreed that she was probably not septic, but had another seizure and needed to be admitted. The NICU doc talked with the pediatric doc and she was admitted to the pediatric floor in her own big room in her own big crib for observation. I don't know what I expected...I guess to be told that all was fine, I was an over anxious momma and all was fine and go home and try to not to fret...or, that she would get admitted it would be back to the NICU...but, I can't even tell you how upset I was. If she was acting like she was when I left her, I would never have been concerned. She was awake and alert and wanting to be held and I had to go and it about killed me to leave. I left my house at 9 am for a peds appointment and got home at 8 pm, not having attended Max's school open house meeting with his teachers and other parents in his class, not having been able to get ahold of Noemi to let her know what was going on, with a cell phone with a dead battery, with a migraine that had me so sick I was vomiting after I walked in the door.

I want her alive. I want her well. I want her home with me.