Tap’d Out and Tired

One of the reasons I haven’t been around much is that I’ve been feeling very tapped out and tired lately. Max and I have both had one cold/cough after another which may be partially allergies. During the day (mostly the afternoon) all I can think about is sleep. I’ve been sleeping like crap again lately. I’m falling asleep exhausted around 9 – 10 pm and waking up sometime between 2 -4 am and not able to get back to sleep.

Max is great, but feeling a bit low key as well. On Saturday morning, after our morning walk and breakfast, we did NOTHING but hang out around the house. We haven’t done that since he was an infant. I think we both needed it. Yes, this means he watched probably too much TV. He has been into the Sesame Street 25th Anniversary Music Addition DVD. He has probably watched it 10 – 15 times in the last week and nothing else. He calls it the LA LA for the main song in there. It is so cute to see him. They have one scene where 2 guys do a really fast tap dance. Max has started doing it with them. Hilarious to see!

Easter was fine. Low key, but busy and tiring. Heck, taking Max to church on a normal Sunday wears me out. Easter Sunday was crazy with all the people and the longer service. At one point, I was standing on the side isle way down about 4 steps with about 3 other parents watching 7 boys running around playing who just could not be contained. It was funny. Then, we (my mom, Max, and I) met a friend for brunch.

I have an appointment with a new acupuncturist tomorrow. I had a consult with her the other day. We ended up talking for at least 40 min. and maybe even a bit longer. I actually found her a bit annoying, mostly because she was so “positive” and talking to me like I was new to this whole process. I’m so past the whole “visualization” thing. I kept thinking, why do you have so much time to talk to me when I initiated the call and then was able to get in 2 days later on the day/time that worked best for me. Clearly, she isn’t busy, but doesn’t sound like she is starting up. I’m going to give her a try for a treatment or two to see how it goes because the location and price are right and I can deal with annoying if she knows what she’s doing and the treatment helps to get me back on track (energy, sleep, IBS).

I set up an appointment to talk to my OB next week since apparently I can’t get a referral for a breast u/s (instead of a mammogram) without that first. I wish I was feeling less emotional before seeing her. No way will I see her and Dr. N not come up. If I had to see her today, I’d cry. Don’t know about her.

Yesterday was a really hard day emotionally around Shadow. It just hit me hard how close to the end she is. We went to one of her favorite parks this morning and she walked around and checked out the picnic area’s while Max played in the car and I split the difference keeping my eye on both of them. She was so happy to be out and around, but tired quickly. I got Max out of the car to go to the other side of the park, which Shadow clearly wanted to do, but then she got tired and had trouble walking again so we went back to the car. I sat and petted her for another 20 minutes while she got the fresh air, scents from the breeze, and to watch the squirrels and such while Max played in the car some more (one of his favorite things to do).

Anyway, not much going on. Same ole, same ole of life. Working, seeing friends, keeping up with the house, hanging out with Max.

I decided I’m for sure not cycling again this next month, but am not going to go back on the pill. Last pill is in a few days.

I leave for a long weekend in Arizona a week from Friday. I’m so not ready. I need to make a list of things to get done and pack. I’ve rented a crib and some age appropriate toys for Max at the destination site and arraigned for my dog walker to come take care of Shadow and City boy. However, that’s it.

I know I should be more excited about going but thinking about it…the trip and all involved…just tires me out even more. It feels like more of an obligation than a vacation. And, really, it basically is as I’m going to be confirmation sponsor for my cousin’s daughter. I’m not the only one visiting. My mom is also going and my cousins mother in law and sister in law (both of who I know well) will also be there. I’m sure it will be fine. However, I think I am already annoying my cousin a bit. She can’t understand why I felt the need to rent a crib for Max (no way would a pack n play work for him now…he is too darn big and could (and would) climb out in 2 seconds flat) and why I would not agree to letting a 12 year old I have never met watch Max during the confirmation service (granted at the church in the cry room), which is to be held right at his dinner/bed time. The thing is, I could really care less if she thinks I’m an uptight neurotic mom. I’m confident enough in my parenting abilities and what works and would not work for my family that I will explain my reasoning, but don’t feel like I need to justify myself.

I wish I felt better, happier, more energetic than I do right now. But, I’m not up for being someone I’m not or pretending. I guess that’s one of the reasons I have been so quite (mainly I just haven’t felt like being on the computer any longer than I have had to for work). I don’t have much to say. Things aren’t bad, horrible, drama. They just are.