6 Down, 4 To Go

Six estrogen shots down and only four to go until my next attempt for a second child. The estrogen is doing something cause my left ovary feels achy and sore for a day or two after each shot. Sadly, my right ovary seems to be unaffected. Mostly, I’m just cruising along dealing with life. I have mild panic attacks every now and again thinking I have forgotten to take a shot before I realize that it isn’t a Monday or a Thursday. I have had a few anxiety attacks when I start to think about what if this protocol doesn’t work and my ovaries still have a zero response, but I just try not to think down that path very often and tell myself to just wait and see. Of course, I want the cycle to work with the end result being a sibling for Max, but if I at least get some kind of response even if the eggs are crap and don’t result in a child, I will at least hold some hope that a future cycle will hold “the good egg”. Every now and again, I worry that the ache and soreness I feel in my left ovary is not a good sign, but a bad one and I’m doing irreparable damage to my ovary; yet, I have been too afraid (and busy…yeah that’s it) to email my RE to ask. Mostly, I’m just cruising along, living life and talking my shots when I need to.

I had a good laugh at myself this weekend. Saturday night I soaked in the bath and washed my hair after I put Max to sleep. In high school/college, we used to joke about needing to stay home and wash our hair when we didn’t want to go out on a date with someone or didn’t have a date. I was laughing because I so desperately needed to wash my hair and I was perfectly content and happy staying in on Saturday night to do so.

Tomorrow is Election Day. Sadly, I still haven’t looked at the ballot or decided how I want to vote. For those who may not know, my garage it the polling place for my precinct. I believe in the power of the vote and that every vote counts and I’m thinking of not voting tomorrow because I am so unprepared and don’t feel like staying up late on the computer doing the research I would need to have an educated decision. Sigh. My plan is to see if I can squander some of my precious and busy work time tomorrow to do it and if not, just miss this election. I don’t feel good about missing it, but feel so unmotivated and tired tonight. The California League of Women’s Voters has a great non-partisan web site that makes researching the issues much easier. You just put in your address and it brings up your ballot and links to what you need on both sides of the issues or on the candidates for you to make an informed decision.

We are getting back into a better sleep routine again after the cold and time change. We had a big regression on Friday night/Saturday morning, but Saturday night was much better and last night was very good. Max slept in until 6:15, which is actually later than what I like and need him to sleep. Actually, 5:30 am is my ideal time for us to get up so we can hang out and spend some time easing into the day, then going to the park to play/walk the dog before coming home to breakfast and work/nanny. We just walked around the neighborhood instead of doing the park thing this morning. However, even though Max slept in, I woke at 4, and then again at 5 (for good) since I am so used to being woken up then. Sigh. So, I’m tired, but not desperate for sleep where that is the only thought I can have during every waking moment which is how I felt last week at this time.

Off to veg out a bit before bed and feel guilty about the voting thing, but not so guilty to actually do something about it. And, to go back into zone mode about the upcoming cycle instead of the nervous anxiety I’m having at the moment.