Why Bother?

I am not sure why I bother…

u/s showed 4 measly follicles. I was so hoping for a better response with higher stims and no suppression. I don’t have time to pull out all the stats, but basically the same response I get just about every time with regard to how much stims or how much they cost from $20 clomid to $3k in Follisim and Repronex.

Left: 11, 7, 6 Right: 9

Sucks!

So glad I didn’t hope to actually make it to ER/ET enough to actually purchase the meds for the entire cycle.

Not cancelled yet. Dr. N said that I could get more (and have gotten a few more last cycle), but probably not enough to make IVF worthwhile.

We will see.

Start Antigon Sunday morning. Go for another check on Tuesday. Likely will decided then whether to move forward with IVF or just scrap it and do another IUI.

I know. I know. I can and have gotten pregnant with IUI’s. That is not the point. Yes, the ultimate point is to actually get a kid or two out of it and if I do, it will be worth it. BUT, the intermediate point is to just once stim properly.

Not very happy!

To add insult to injury, I was working with a kitchen cleaning product that contains bleach and apparently some of it got on my brand new pants worn for the first time today and spotted it. These were a splurge item I spent way to much for. Damn!

And, I got an F’ing parking ticket because I can’t read. I went to an acu appointment after my u/s appointment and all the meters were taken so I parked across the street in a two hour parking spot and failed to read the sign RIGHT ABOVE it that said NO PARKING FRIDAY FROM NOON – 3 pm for Street Cleaning.

What an idiot! It was all enough to have me in tears.

Just feeling a tad sorry for myself. I know it could be worse and some people would be happy with 4 follicles and some people can’t afford to do IVF at all and that I have gotten pregnant off IVF’s and you just need one good one. I know all of this. I just need to stew and feel a bit bad for myself for awhile.

I’m not devastated like the last IVF cycle, just like I wasn’t devastated this last m/c like I was the first. I know all to well how things can go wrong. I’m just disappointment and a bit amazed with myself for continuing to hope for different results. Yes, it is higher stims and no suppression. That was supposed to be the trick. Really, I don’t think if flippen matters what I stim on.

The only difference this time is that I seem to be able to sleep on the Follistim where as every other drug amps me up and I feel it swirling through my veins like a bad caffeine trip. As I told my RE, good thing I already had an appointment for an u/s today or I would have begged for one since the whole sleeping while stimming thing is a first.

Okay, got to go spend time with the kid, make dinner, and my sister will be here in a bit.

Oh, and FWIW, E2 was 46 today up from 9 on Tuesday.

I think I may just drink all weekend. After all, I may be pregnant soon and not have a chance for awhile. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I think wine is up tonight and Margarita’s tomorrow. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

Cycling Sucks! Yes, a broken record and a song I repeat each and every cycle.