The Weigh-In

The worst part about yesterday was the fact that I had to step on the scale at my clinic. I guess there are doing the “physical” at the first appointment now. Ugh! 214. I was 198 when I got pregnant with Max. I was 185 ish when I stopped breastfeeding. Damn hormones and dex don’t help. Sigh. Big, big sigh! I think I was 211 last week when I had my cultures and pap, both were afternoon weigh-ins. I was only 206 by my scale at home in the morning. Still, this means likely I have gained 3 lbs in the last week.

My conclusion? Yes, well, I vow to start eating better. Easier said then done.

The real conclusion? I just need to get pregnant again. Soon. Like, this very cycle.

That way I have a good reason to have my pregnant belly. No one has actually asked me or assumed I was pregnant yet, but I have been getting a lot of, so…are you going to try for a second type thing. Code for are you pregnant or just really fat right now.

I especially noticed it last week when I had to dress for the funeral. It was tight right across the belly and the button kept coming undone. Very unattractive look. It has been bugging me ever since, this big belly of mine.

To make myself feel better, I did some retail therapy and bought a few “cycling” outfits last weekend. I haven’t bought any clothes since maternity ware a year or so ago. And, I really needed some tops. Several hundred dollars later I purchased 5 or 6 articles of clothes that really weren’t worth the price I paid, but I liked them; they fit reasonably well; and Max had decided enough was enough and it was time to move on. They are nothing fancy. Mostly tank tops and two pair of light quarter length pants (petal pushers?) to match. Hey, better to be fat in clothes new clothes that you like than in old worn tired stuff. Right?

Other than the worry that the baby could die and any second and I would be devastated part of it, I really liked being pregnant…especially the nice tired slept better in my entire life part. I was fondly reminiscing about the puking part this morning as I washed my face with the new liquid Clinque soap the sales lady talked my into trying when I went in for more astringent this weekend. I had given up the bar Clinque soap when pregnant with Max because I couldn’t stand the smell and it would make me puke. This new one is odor free (as far as I can tell now, but reserve the right to change my mind if I do become pregnant and pick up a previously undetected scent to it) and quite refreshing to use.

Ha, see how wisely I use my time these days. I had the gift of our two hour weekly staff meeting being cancelled. Sure, I could have done work and caught up on a few things, but I’m really just not that enthused about my job right now. Very sad situation.

Anyway, the weigh-in yesterday stung a bit. The nurse was so nice as I was complaining away about it by telling me how much she weighed (which was more, but she is taller and a bigger build) and how she had gained with the birth of her daughter and never lost it. It did make me feel a little better. Remember, miserly does love company.

Anyway, feeling blah, tired, and fat. And, just hoping one way or another I get pregnant soon so I have a good reason.