Stims Started

Well, I’m amp’d up. Yes, got the go ahead to start stims. 8 amps of Follistim are now injected into my bod.

Baseline u/s showed about 5 or 6 antral follicles on each ovary. We will see if the right one decides to play this round. It would be nice. Dr. N and I have already talked about me canceling/converting if I have 5 or less. The goal would be to get about 10.

E2 = 9, a nice low number

I decided on the way home that I was just going to suck it up an do the stims at night instead of moving them to the morning by adjusting 3 hours earlier each day. Typically, I sleep like crap on stims and the only benefit would be to help that a bit. I’m just going to take Tylenol PM every night and go from there.

The good thing about having gone through many cycles, even if they weren’t full fledged ones is that you are better able to “handle” the things that come up. I realized tonight WHY the Follistim needs to be refrigerated. It’s already mixed, not a powder. So, instead of doing 1cc mixed with 8 amps of drug, I ended up shooting up about 5 cc’s of drugs in two separate shots. Since I had to do two shots anyway since it wouldn’t all fit in one syringe, I decided to do one on each side. And, I didn’t read the instructions until the last minute and the meds were still cold as opposed to room temperature increasing the “sting” factor. Literally, a pain in the rear-end. Whatever! Didn’t bother to call anyone because it didn’t match my instructions. Probably, in the beginning, I would have freaked. Tonight;, I was like damn! 1) because I LIKE mixing the drugs myself. It is part of my little science project and 2) the extra shot.

The whole Follistim pre-mixed amp thing is really partially my fault anyway because they wanted me to do the pen, which I didn’t want to do because it is done Sub-Q and I wanted to do the shots IM. While they SAY it doesn’t make a difference, I wanted to do IM anyway because I am overweight; I think you get better absorption that way. I’d rather do two shots like I did than the pen Sub-Q.

You know, even though I have been going through the motions to get ready for this cycle – getting the tests and cultures, the calendar review, getting the meds, taking the dex -- I really have been in denial. Maybe denial isn’t the right word. It just hasn’t been on the top of my list. I haven’t spent much if any time or energy worrying or thinking about it.

I show up for my appointment and wham, it hits me that I’m cycling when I walk in and the waiting room is wall to wall people standing room only. Since I have mostly done IUI’s and my IVF was cancelled so early last time, I have very rarely had to be one of the pack. It’s not that I mind it so much, it’s just that it hit me all of a sudden and I had to talk myself out of an anxiety or panic attack. Okay, so really, I have never had either an anxiety or a panic attack, but I did get all nervous and sweaty and clammy. Of course, it has been scorching hot out and it was hot in the waiting room so it could have been that as well. ANYWAY, while I was dealing with that, this lady sits down near me (I’m sitting on the floor like I own the place) and starts talking to me. I know that I should know this person and she tells me her u/s looks good and there is one visible sack with a heartbeat and everything looks good. And, I should have said something, but I just kept talking and didn’t say anything. She leaves and I get called back and while I am waiting, it hits me who the person it…an SMC I met online and who came to my pool party. I’m such a looser. I just didn’t expect to see her there and was pre-occupied. I felt and feel really bad and sent her an email telling her how much of a looser I am. Big sigh.

Well, I’ve been up since 3 am. No reason other than I woke up to go to the bathroom and couldn’t go back to sleep, then Max woke up at 4 and, the day really began. So, I am going to go shower off (since Max and I went swimming after my work and before his bed) and my skin feels gross and try to sleep. Maybe I will be able to beat the drugs and fall asleep before I start feeling them swimming through my veins amping me up.

Probably unlikely since I already feel the affects. HAHAHAHA. Just laughing to myself as I was thinking that I can “feel” my ovaries already. I’m not playing that game this time. You know, the game where you think the cycle will work and will go as planned. I’m taking things one day at a time. I just need to remember to take my drugs every day.

Next big milestone, follicle check u/s on Friday.