Holy Fuck

My friend Heather found out she has breast cancer today. She is my oldest friend in the area. One of the few friends I have that lives in a close physical distance, meaning I can get to her house in 10 – 15 minutes depending on traffic. We met through our dogs at a park about 10 years ago now. We both lost those dogs this year and she lost her older dog within months of the other one. She just can’t catch a break. This is the friend that lost her first daughter during pre-term labor 5 years ago in November. Her second daughter lived 11 days in the NICU 4 years ago in December. Not being able to take another loss, she and her husband had boy/girl twins 3 years ago in January (ETA via gestational suragate). She just got to the point where things were starting to get a bit easier and not such a blur with the physical demands and lack of sleep associated with young children/young twins. She was finally going to be able to finish her book. And now this! She just can’t catch a fucking break.

She has been having some discharge from one of her breast on and off for a year or so now. She has gone in several times, but they haven’t been able to find anything. She was so not ready and was sure it was something, but not cancer. We specifically talked about that last week when talking about my cousin who had a scare and was asked to come back for a follow up after finding a calcium deposit on one of her breasts. Heather’s mammogram came back normal. They tried to do this milked duct test first before insurance would pay for an u/s and MRI, but it didn’t work so she and her husband decided to pay out of pocket for the test. They actually found the cancer in the other breast. She found out this morning and went back this afternoon for a closer look. They saw it in three spots. She goes back on Friday for more tests to make sure it isn’t in the bones or in the lungs, hoping and praying that today is the day her life was saved because they found it early enough while looking for something else. There is no lump or any other sign it is present. She has no history of breast cancer in her family. She was so not expecting this.

She is going to have surgery within the next few weeks, probably a double mastectomy and radiation with chemotherapy after if it has spread. Then, we will hope and pray that they get it all, she goes and stays in remission, and that she gets to live to see the children she fought so hard for grow.

Her life has just been turned upside down like that. She’s trying to find a full time nanny to take of her kids while she goes through this and set things as best she can for them. She has been a SAHM with them since they were born so anyway it goes, it is going to be difficult on them as well. She’s feeling overwhelmed like they should give up their new puppy because it will be the one too many thing right now and is not sure she can take the extra stress of making sure he gets walked every day (when her husband will promise to do it and then it won’t get done). She’s got tons of appointments and tests and procedures to submit.

Oh, God. Holy Fuck. Please let her be okay. Please let her beat this. As she said, let today be the day that her life was saved and that she becomes a breast cancer survivor instead of a breast cancer victim.

I’m crying for her now and wishing I could do more.