Back into the house of germs we go. That's what I get for even thinking the other day that we were on a nice healthy streak and hadn't needed the bulb suction in quite awhile. Max is coughing...a lot with some buggers. N is looks just miserable with her runny and stuffy bugger face and wasn't acting like she was feeling too well. R has picked up a wheeze the other day and I've had Noemi increase the breathing treatments, but he had what sounded like a group cough right as he fell asleep, but at least for now seems like the healthiest of the lot. Oh joy. I'm pumping so I can go to bed earl because tonight has all the potential to be a long, bad one. Blah!
In other good news, even sick (or maybe because he wasn't feeling well) we had a much improved dental visit for Max today. He told me on the way that he was going to be a good listener. And, he was. I didn't get one I don't want to go, I don't like the dentist. There was no screaming, crying, having to hold him down. They were able to even get his first x-rays. So, so much nicer when your kid isn't screaming the entire time. For everyone. We improved from a "fair" to a "good". I challenged Max to see if we can get an "excellent" in 6 months, which insidently I signed up the twins to join us for their first visit.
Now, if you will all join me in a community meditation for improved health and not too miserable of a night/go round with this latest germ fest we have going on.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The construction project
Because I'm so proud of it and because the kids had such a good time and the teachers were so impressed they asked for details and are going to do it again, I'd thought I'd talk about the construction project we did in Max's preschool this month. I don't have any pictures as I was leading the effort and actively involved, but the teachers did and I hope to get copies at the end of the year.
Station 1 - I bought some peg board (has holes) and bought a few all purpose screws and bolts that I cut into smaller squares with a jg saw. Each child had a chance to screw bolts through the holes with either large or small or both screws/bolts. They loved it, especially the girls.
Station 2 - Got some small pieces of wood, precut and some nails. Brought in a few hammers. Used the extra peg board to protect the tables and each child was allowed to "build" something. The loved it, especially the boys. Next time, I'd get either smaller longer nails or bigger wood as it started to split in a few cases.
Station 3 - Got some PVC of two different sizes that I cut up into smaller varing lengths and had different types of joints for each size and the kids could use it to build.
Then, there was the unoffical station 4 of the work bench with the toy version of everything that I fixed and brought back.
In addition, I brought in various screw drivers, wrenches, and a tape measure for the kids to touch and use and hold. They were a big hit, especially the tape measurer. We could have used another 1 or 2 of those.
Fun, easy, stuff. A little bit of prep work, but worth it. They loved being able to touch and use real tools.
Station 1 - I bought some peg board (has holes) and bought a few all purpose screws and bolts that I cut into smaller squares with a jg saw. Each child had a chance to screw bolts through the holes with either large or small or both screws/bolts. They loved it, especially the girls.
Station 2 - Got some small pieces of wood, precut and some nails. Brought in a few hammers. Used the extra peg board to protect the tables and each child was allowed to "build" something. The loved it, especially the boys. Next time, I'd get either smaller longer nails or bigger wood as it started to split in a few cases.
Station 3 - Got some PVC of two different sizes that I cut up into smaller varing lengths and had different types of joints for each size and the kids could use it to build.
Then, there was the unoffical station 4 of the work bench with the toy version of everything that I fixed and brought back.
In addition, I brought in various screw drivers, wrenches, and a tape measure for the kids to touch and use and hold. They were a big hit, especially the tape measurer. We could have used another 1 or 2 of those.
Fun, easy, stuff. A little bit of prep work, but worth it. They loved being able to touch and use real tools.
Monday, March 30, 2009
"My Daddy" - Edited
If I hear, my daddy told me that or my daddy said I could or some such comment from Max again, I think I'll scream. Okay, just kidding on the screaming thing, it doesn't really annoy me, but he has been on this daddy kick lately. Insisting that he does too have a daddy and he's at work or at his house or going to come visit or whatever. And, he's REAL not PRETEND. At first, I was a bit concerned and tried to correct him getting the push back that he is real and how dare I say otherwise. Concerned enough that I thought about talking to someone who specializes in early childhood development. I know that he knows that it isn't true. In fact, when in his classroom setting up for the construction project, I heard him tell someone that he doesn't have a daddy. I still might try to run it past someone if I get a chance, but realized that he has two pretend friends as well that I've always gone with the flow with and probably should just do the same thing with the pretend daddy. So, that is what I have been doing. It's amazing what this daddy of his says and lets him do. Most of the time he is an ambulance driver. Sometimes he is a fire fighter. Sometimes, I'm the daddy (but, not often anymore). Sometimes, he's the daddy. When playing with his "people", he assigns various roles to them such as mommy, daddy, brother, sister, engineer, conductor, garbage man, etc. I'm sure that he hears the kids at school talking about their daddy and wants to talk about "his daddy". I hope he doesn't feel like he is missing out too much by not having one. I've almost convinced myself that this is age appropriate "playing house" stuff and hope I'm handling it the best way possible for him by going along and pretending with him like I do his imaginary friends. If I get some time, maybe I'll try to research it out or follow up with someone to be sure. I don't want to make it controversial by continuing to tell him he doesn't, because he was pushing back very strongly. So, I"m going to let him pretend for now and see where it goes. However, anyone listening who didn't know the story really would think he had a daddy the way conversations have gone lately.
ETA: I had a chance to talk to the director of the preschool today who is an expert in early childhood development about the whole daddy thing. It was an interesting conversation about pretend vs. real, alive vs. dead, and figuring things out. Totally age appropriate as I expected and agreed with how I'm handling it, but will also start to add in more about distinguishing about pretend vs. real and realizing that the push back on saying the daddy is pretend may actually because he "wishes" it to be true and angry that it isn't. She also suggested that I start asking him what makes something alive, why is that real or pretend, etc. And, we had a good laugh at how helpful it was (NOT) that I responded to Max's question about what makes things alive is that they need/breath oxygen (like that really helped clarify it for him :). Keep on allowing him to feel what he feels about the situation and acknowledging those feelings. She also said something that I hadn't thought about, but really resonated. She asked me how I felt with him asking the questions to which, I'm fine. It was my decision and that I just hoped that in time he didn't feel too much of a loss as a result to which she replied, that parents make decision that affect their kids all the time (divorce, have another child, to move, etc). I had never thought of it in terms of that before, but true. So, just keep on keeping on helping him to figure things out and allowing him to feel what he feels. Glad I asked.
ETA: I had a chance to talk to the director of the preschool today who is an expert in early childhood development about the whole daddy thing. It was an interesting conversation about pretend vs. real, alive vs. dead, and figuring things out. Totally age appropriate as I expected and agreed with how I'm handling it, but will also start to add in more about distinguishing about pretend vs. real and realizing that the push back on saying the daddy is pretend may actually because he "wishes" it to be true and angry that it isn't. She also suggested that I start asking him what makes something alive, why is that real or pretend, etc. And, we had a good laugh at how helpful it was (NOT) that I responded to Max's question about what makes things alive is that they need/breath oxygen (like that really helped clarify it for him :). Keep on allowing him to feel what he feels about the situation and acknowledging those feelings. She also said something that I hadn't thought about, but really resonated. She asked me how I felt with him asking the questions to which, I'm fine. It was my decision and that I just hoped that in time he didn't feel too much of a loss as a result to which she replied, that parents make decision that affect their kids all the time (divorce, have another child, to move, etc). I had never thought of it in terms of that before, but true. So, just keep on keeping on helping him to figure things out and allowing him to feel what he feels. Glad I asked.
The Stats
Working my way through stacks and stacks of paperwork. Making progress. Taking a short break. Found the measurements for the twins the last few months. The got weighed each month to calculate the synergis dosage. Yeah for the end of the monthly visits and the almost $200 in expense each month for those shots although they basically did their job and kept us out of the hospital (except for that November visit for Ray which liekly would have been worse without the shot and it was bad enough as it was).
...........Jan............... Feb...................Mar
R........15lbs 6 oz... 15 lbs 15 oz.... 17 lbs 4 oz
N....... 16 lbs........... 17 lbs 3 oz......18 lbs 4 oz
In March, R's weight was 5% unadjusted and 30 adjusted. He was 26 3/4 in. tall with a head circumferance of 17 1/2.
In March, N's weight was 27% unadjusted and 75% adhysted, She was 26 5/8 in tall with a head circumferance of 16 5/8.
...........Jan............... Feb...................Mar
R........15lbs 6 oz... 15 lbs 15 oz.... 17 lbs 4 oz
N....... 16 lbs........... 17 lbs 3 oz......18 lbs 4 oz
In March, R's weight was 5% unadjusted and 30 adjusted. He was 26 3/4 in. tall with a head circumferance of 17 1/2.
In March, N's weight was 27% unadjusted and 75% adhysted, She was 26 5/8 in tall with a head circumferance of 16 5/8.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
More or Less
When I found out I was pregnant with multiples, I was a bit freaked out. For many reasons. Money being a big one. I know several people who have an older child and then went on to have twins as a single mom by choice. They all have/had live in help and needed every minute of it, plus it tends to be cheaper. I looked into moving or adding on to the house and decided I couldn't tackle either while pregnant (and feeling so darn miserable) and that in the long run it would actually be more expensive to either move/build on than have a live out with longer hours. I ran the numbers and financially it would be tight, but doable to have someone from 7 - 7 and I had a back up plans A and B if money started getting tighter than planned.
Fast forward and the economy is in the toilet and a scenario that I hadn't planned on was to actually make less money and not wanting to touch plans A or B because of the poor economy. All this to say, that after being pissed off and angry and running through a few situations and weighing everything I needed to weight, I ended up cutting Noemi's hours during the hardest time of day for me....dinner and bed evening hours....and she is now leaving at 5:30 pm instead of 7. I have to have her still come at 7 because I have work meetings starting at 7 am at least 3 if not more days of the week.
And, the weekend Sunday sitter I have been using from 4 - 7 after going solo all weekend has canceled the last two weekends.
I keep telling myself that less is more. More time for me to spend quality hands on time with all of the kids. I remind myself that many a women through the ages have done it and survived and their kids survived and they lived to tell the tale. One of my moms closest friends had twins and was a stay at home mom with and older child (two actually I think) and then had twins with a husband that was off working and not around. Several moms in the parenting class I took or that I have met (in an acquaintance sort of way) do it as well. Granted, they are married and not attempting to work full time so not exactly the same, but I remind myself that it can be done. Be strong. Enjoy the time. Bond as a family. Work it out.
And, that's what I have been doing. Working it out. Enjoying it is probably too strong a sentiment, but mostly it is going better than I thought. Mostly being when Max doesn't jump off the chair onto his two siblings while I am getting their dinner ready and other such behavior. It can get a bit much sometimes, but I've got a pretty good schedule going for the most part and it is working out. It's hard and harder on the nights that I have to work a few more hours after the kids are all in bed. I feel like I'm constantly tired and behind on all but the most essential and critical things. I wake up tired and remind myself that this time goes by so fast and to not wish it away. And, I'm busy and tired.
All and all things are going well. Last week was an especially busy and difficult week schedule wise, but good overall. N had a CT scan and follow up with the neurosurgeon. She's doing great and doesn't have to go back for 9 months, when she is 18 months. The twins had their 9 month peds appointment and are growing nicely. I have theirs stats someplace in some stack of paper that needs to get gone through instead of shuffled around. Lastly, the twins had their high risk follow up at the NICU/hospital they were born. The OT who did the eval said they are doing terrific and if they weren't already receiving services, she's not sure she would recommend it, but she will recommend to continue as is. As I said, all and all, things are going well. I find it hard to believe my little ones are already in size 4 diapers and will turn one in less than 3 months. They had steak and potatoes for the first time last night (pureed, of course) and loved it.
The change in evening routine has the twins going to bed a bit earlier than they were which affects the morning routine as well since they are then getting up a bit earlier in the morning. I'm not so much getting up earlier than I was most of the time, but I just have less alone time and gone are the mornings of pumping in peace. Ah well, this two (too?) shall pass. But, I'm bone tired weary at the end of the day. No regrets. Overall, I'm still sure it was the best decision I ever made and I love them, my family and my life even if the grind can get a bit tedious* and busy** at times.
* Today, while the twins napped, I played "cars" with Max. For an hour. It was like torture to me, but I sucked it up and did it and faked the fun. There were so many other things I would rather have been doing, but I hadn't sat down and played with him in awhile. I had to "self talk" a few times to keep into it and go with the flow. I've never been so happy to have a baby wake up from a nap so as to have a legitimate excuse to stop. Most of his toys or things he wants to play aren't nearly as tedious for me like building houses with blocks or playing train and such, but cars I'm just not into. It reminded me of when he was barely walking and we would go around the block and he'd spend a mind numbing amount of time touching and feeling and admiring cars and it was all I could do to not pick him up or rush him along. And, a few hours later when he came up to me and gave me stickers for playing cars so nicely with him and following the rules, I was oh so happy that I had.
** I've been getting into Max's classroom once a month for a few hours. So far, I've made cookies with them twice (Christmas cut out's and gingerbread), did a sand art project, read a Thanksgiving book, held a concert, and this month did a construction project. Max and I (and his teachers) all love it, but I am especially tired after wards. Two things made me laugh recently about this. One was that the teachers had a workbench that kept falling apart and when I talked to them about doing the construction project idea wondered if i wanted to take it home and fix it for them, which I did. Single mom of preemie twins. Like, what is the matter with all those fathers? And, the teachers take pictures and post them for various things and did two boards last week of pictures from the concert and the construction projects. They really do capture how much fun we had. As I was rushing through on Thursday dropping Max off and trying not to be late with the twins for their high risk follow up appointment one of the moms commented about how nice it was that I had time for that sort of thing. Ah, no, I don't have the time, I MAKE the time because I think it is important. And fun.
Fast forward and the economy is in the toilet and a scenario that I hadn't planned on was to actually make less money and not wanting to touch plans A or B because of the poor economy. All this to say, that after being pissed off and angry and running through a few situations and weighing everything I needed to weight, I ended up cutting Noemi's hours during the hardest time of day for me....dinner and bed evening hours....and she is now leaving at 5:30 pm instead of 7. I have to have her still come at 7 because I have work meetings starting at 7 am at least 3 if not more days of the week.
And, the weekend Sunday sitter I have been using from 4 - 7 after going solo all weekend has canceled the last two weekends.
I keep telling myself that less is more. More time for me to spend quality hands on time with all of the kids. I remind myself that many a women through the ages have done it and survived and their kids survived and they lived to tell the tale. One of my moms closest friends had twins and was a stay at home mom with and older child (two actually I think) and then had twins with a husband that was off working and not around. Several moms in the parenting class I took or that I have met (in an acquaintance sort of way) do it as well. Granted, they are married and not attempting to work full time so not exactly the same, but I remind myself that it can be done. Be strong. Enjoy the time. Bond as a family. Work it out.
And, that's what I have been doing. Working it out. Enjoying it is probably too strong a sentiment, but mostly it is going better than I thought. Mostly being when Max doesn't jump off the chair onto his two siblings while I am getting their dinner ready and other such behavior. It can get a bit much sometimes, but I've got a pretty good schedule going for the most part and it is working out. It's hard and harder on the nights that I have to work a few more hours after the kids are all in bed. I feel like I'm constantly tired and behind on all but the most essential and critical things. I wake up tired and remind myself that this time goes by so fast and to not wish it away. And, I'm busy and tired.
All and all things are going well. Last week was an especially busy and difficult week schedule wise, but good overall. N had a CT scan and follow up with the neurosurgeon. She's doing great and doesn't have to go back for 9 months, when she is 18 months. The twins had their 9 month peds appointment and are growing nicely. I have theirs stats someplace in some stack of paper that needs to get gone through instead of shuffled around. Lastly, the twins had their high risk follow up at the NICU/hospital they were born. The OT who did the eval said they are doing terrific and if they weren't already receiving services, she's not sure she would recommend it, but she will recommend to continue as is. As I said, all and all, things are going well. I find it hard to believe my little ones are already in size 4 diapers and will turn one in less than 3 months. They had steak and potatoes for the first time last night (pureed, of course) and loved it.
The change in evening routine has the twins going to bed a bit earlier than they were which affects the morning routine as well since they are then getting up a bit earlier in the morning. I'm not so much getting up earlier than I was most of the time, but I just have less alone time and gone are the mornings of pumping in peace. Ah well, this two (too?) shall pass. But, I'm bone tired weary at the end of the day. No regrets. Overall, I'm still sure it was the best decision I ever made and I love them, my family and my life even if the grind can get a bit tedious* and busy** at times.
* Today, while the twins napped, I played "cars" with Max. For an hour. It was like torture to me, but I sucked it up and did it and faked the fun. There were so many other things I would rather have been doing, but I hadn't sat down and played with him in awhile. I had to "self talk" a few times to keep into it and go with the flow. I've never been so happy to have a baby wake up from a nap so as to have a legitimate excuse to stop. Most of his toys or things he wants to play aren't nearly as tedious for me like building houses with blocks or playing train and such, but cars I'm just not into. It reminded me of when he was barely walking and we would go around the block and he'd spend a mind numbing amount of time touching and feeling and admiring cars and it was all I could do to not pick him up or rush him along. And, a few hours later when he came up to me and gave me stickers for playing cars so nicely with him and following the rules, I was oh so happy that I had.
** I've been getting into Max's classroom once a month for a few hours. So far, I've made cookies with them twice (Christmas cut out's and gingerbread), did a sand art project, read a Thanksgiving book, held a concert, and this month did a construction project. Max and I (and his teachers) all love it, but I am especially tired after wards. Two things made me laugh recently about this. One was that the teachers had a workbench that kept falling apart and when I talked to them about doing the construction project idea wondered if i wanted to take it home and fix it for them, which I did. Single mom of preemie twins. Like, what is the matter with all those fathers? And, the teachers take pictures and post them for various things and did two boards last week of pictures from the concert and the construction projects. They really do capture how much fun we had. As I was rushing through on Thursday dropping Max off and trying not to be late with the twins for their high risk follow up appointment one of the moms commented about how nice it was that I had time for that sort of thing. Ah, no, I don't have the time, I MAKE the time because I think it is important. And fun.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
9 months
Hard to believe the twins are nine months old today. Here are some pics and a short video (the one where Max is least obnoxious) from this weekend.
In other news, I still hate time changes. The last few nights have been brutal. Last night, all three of them were up at some point. Max for several hours. Ugh! N almost never wakes up and if she does is easily soothed and back to sleep. R must be in a growth spurt and/or is so active he needs more calories and is waking at least once or twice to eat, then goes back. Max, well, same ole' same ole. He gets me up the most by far. And, again, time changes are just awful for a week or so. Can't wait until everyone has adjusted.
The twins have been sick. Only a few more days of antibiotics. They still have a cough. R, worse than N. Breathing treatments continue.
The power cord on my laptop is basically shot. If you adjust it just so and hold it and make sure no one bumps it, it will work about 50% of the time. I'm taking that as a sign I need less computer time and actually read a book. That was nice.
The last day of the parenting class I'm taking ends tomorrow. It was/is hard to fit that in with everything else, but I'm glad I did.
In other news, I still hate time changes. The last few nights have been brutal. Last night, all three of them were up at some point. Max for several hours. Ugh! N almost never wakes up and if she does is easily soothed and back to sleep. R must be in a growth spurt and/or is so active he needs more calories and is waking at least once or twice to eat, then goes back. Max, well, same ole' same ole. He gets me up the most by far. And, again, time changes are just awful for a week or so. Can't wait until everyone has adjusted.
The twins have been sick. Only a few more days of antibiotics. They still have a cough. R, worse than N. Breathing treatments continue.
The power cord on my laptop is basically shot. If you adjust it just so and hold it and make sure no one bumps it, it will work about 50% of the time. I'm taking that as a sign I need less computer time and actually read a book. That was nice.
The last day of the parenting class I'm taking ends tomorrow. It was/is hard to fit that in with everything else, but I'm glad I did.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Double that
Double ear infections, double eye infections...times two. No fever. Just eye goobers. Good thing I took them in today before things got too out of hand. Yes, we were just there mere days ago for synergis shots. That Nora, she's a smart one for her age and has a long memory. She wasn't thrilled last Thursday...crying down the roof when we were put into the room. Then, she got the shots she didn't want. She was less than thrilled to be back so soon, shots or no shots today. Max went along for the ride and the treat (let's call it what it is, bribe for good behavior) and because I likely wouldn't be back in time to get him from school. The ped gave extra refills on the eye drops for when Max, Noemi, and I get it. She said half her day was spend diagnosing it and writing Rx's for it.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Life Happens
All is reasonably well in my world. Just busy. Company came for a visit. Broken dryer here. Doctor appointment there. Going to Max's classroom to have a "concert". Working hard and long, but at least I like it. Usually starting at 7 am and wrapping up a few hours after the children are asleep with breaks in between to run Max to school, a few hours in the afternoon to pick him up, dinner, and get through the bed time routine. I'm carving out time to enjoy the family and the occasional dinner out with the girls or visit with a friend, but it is all busy. Friends calls and emails sit and wait because there just isn't enough time. I feel too guilty to spend time blogging when there are other important tasks not getting done. We've had a nice run of 10 - 14 or so days with no coughs, snot, or buggers around here, but that's coming to an end with all three of them starting yesterday so that means more breathing treatments for the twins which aren't hard (other than the screaming and fussing and fighting they do), but just takes time. There is just one of me and about a million and five things that need to get done at any time so somethings have to give.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Healing so slowly
After this, I could barely talk about it. I guess after everything of this summer and the trama, loosing all that milk was a last straw and I just had to shut it away and not think about it or deal with it. I was going to throw out all the spoiled milk myself to get closure and in the end I couldn't do it and ask Noemi to go and toss it. I guess in a way, I was in mourning. I guess I'm healing every so slowly as I cleaned out the mold and turned back on the freezer today.
I still can't spend much time looking at any of the early pictures of the twins. I want to put together a book for each of them showing the changes week by week that I took, but not ready yet. I went looking for a picture of my cousin from this summer and even looking at the pictures brings me back and makes it all too real again. I get a physical anxiety attack type reaction.
Things are fine here. I've just been tired and behind on everything and needing to cave in a bit. I've been equally as bad at returning emails and phone calls. Work is busy and takes all of my talking and connecting with people energy right now that at the end of the night when I have the time, I'm just too tapped out. I have nothing left for others right now.
I still can't spend much time looking at any of the early pictures of the twins. I want to put together a book for each of them showing the changes week by week that I took, but not ready yet. I went looking for a picture of my cousin from this summer and even looking at the pictures brings me back and makes it all too real again. I get a physical anxiety attack type reaction.
Things are fine here. I've just been tired and behind on everything and needing to cave in a bit. I've been equally as bad at returning emails and phone calls. Work is busy and takes all of my talking and connecting with people energy right now that at the end of the night when I have the time, I'm just too tapped out. I have nothing left for others right now.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sad State
Really, it is a sad state of affairs when you have free baby sitting and decide to stay in anyway. My mom is staying over tonight and offered to watch the kids tonight (after they were in bed asleep) so I could go out with a group of friends, but alas...I elected to stay in. I'm so tired and worn out. If they were a tad closer; if I didn't have limited help tomorrow; if I didn't have an extremely busy week next week...then maybe. But, it would be about an hour drive each way, Sundays can be long enough and it can be hard to be the type of mom I want to be without added extra tired into the equation; and my week is extremely busy next week. So, stay in, I am. Plus, I'm not feeling so hot. Just the sniffles and trying to fight off another cold around here like all the children. Probably made worse by the wind storms and everything it kicks up. I'll be happy when we have this first winter behind us with the twins a bit older with better immune systems and Max has a year of Preschool germs behind him.
Not to say I didn't take advantage of my mom being here to get a few errands run and then to take Max to a birthday party (which is the whole reason she stayed). We weren't gone too long, but glad we got home when we did because the twins didn't really nap and fussed off and on the entire time and all three looked happy and relieved when we walked in.
Anyway, as much as I like the idea of going out, seeing friends, and having wonderful conversation...the thought of a good night sleep is even more appealling and really unlikely so I will take what I can get and hope for an adequate night sleep and a nice family day tomorrow with reinforcements in the afternoon so I can get a break and get a few more much needed errands done.
Not to say I didn't take advantage of my mom being here to get a few errands run and then to take Max to a birthday party (which is the whole reason she stayed). We weren't gone too long, but glad we got home when we did because the twins didn't really nap and fussed off and on the entire time and all three looked happy and relieved when we walked in.
Anyway, as much as I like the idea of going out, seeing friends, and having wonderful conversation...the thought of a good night sleep is even more appealling and really unlikely so I will take what I can get and hope for an adequate night sleep and a nice family day tomorrow with reinforcements in the afternoon so I can get a break and get a few more much needed errands done.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
That's why
Another Max funny....he told me he couldn't go to school today because he was sick. I asked him what was wrong with him and he told me he didn't have a throat anymore. It was in his bottom and the food was falling straight to his foot. Oh my, he does make me laugh. Where does he get this stuff?
Spoiled Milk
One of the last things I do before going to bed (unless I get sidetracked on the computer and stay up later than planned) is to pump. One of the first things I do when I wake up is pump. I usually pump one of three places. My bed. The couch. Or, in my office at my work desk. I tend to not move the pump unless I have to. So, if I do the last pump of the night in my bed, I'll do the first pump in my bed. Or, if I do the last pump on the couch, I'll do the first one on the couch.
Anyway, the other morning, I sit down to pump and see my pumping supplies from the night before (I have several sets so I don't have to wash after each use) including the milk I had pumped. Apparently, I had forgotten one important step...putting the milk in the fridge. Pissed me off.
I'm almost over loosing the entire freezer of breast milk. Almost. I had been working myself up for closure by going and tossing it. In the end, I just couldn't and asked Noemi to go purge it for me. That was just a few weeks ago. I still can't bring myself to use that freezer for something else.
On bad days, I get worked up how much and how fast we go through formula compared to breast milk. I've stopped calculating and just remind myself that it is what it is and that I am giving them as much as I can and that is that and it is better than none. Sometimes, I have regrets that N never took to the breast and that as a result R doesn't get the opportunity as much as either would like. And, I tell myself that if things were different like I just had the twins, it is an issue I could have worked harder one, but with the twins and with an older child, you have to do what is best for the entire family.
So, I tend to only BF R right before he goes to bed as a topper offer if the schedule allows and then if he wakes up in the middle of the night or early, which he often does.
It makes me sad sometimes that something I loved so much with Max is just not apart of the equation with the twins. When I do BF R, I'm watching the clock and counting the minutes most of the time (since it is in the middle of the night and I'm usually hoping for more sleep) and I remind myself that I could just give him a bottle and be done with it, but I give him that special time when I can.
Mostly, I'm okay with how things are. The babies are growing nicely. Things are perfect or how I would have wanted or planned, but it works and it is best for the entire family.
Now, if I can just manage not to spoil any more milk, I'll be happy.
Anyway, the other morning, I sit down to pump and see my pumping supplies from the night before (I have several sets so I don't have to wash after each use) including the milk I had pumped. Apparently, I had forgotten one important step...putting the milk in the fridge. Pissed me off.
I'm almost over loosing the entire freezer of breast milk. Almost. I had been working myself up for closure by going and tossing it. In the end, I just couldn't and asked Noemi to go purge it for me. That was just a few weeks ago. I still can't bring myself to use that freezer for something else.
On bad days, I get worked up how much and how fast we go through formula compared to breast milk. I've stopped calculating and just remind myself that it is what it is and that I am giving them as much as I can and that is that and it is better than none. Sometimes, I have regrets that N never took to the breast and that as a result R doesn't get the opportunity as much as either would like. And, I tell myself that if things were different like I just had the twins, it is an issue I could have worked harder one, but with the twins and with an older child, you have to do what is best for the entire family.
So, I tend to only BF R right before he goes to bed as a topper offer if the schedule allows and then if he wakes up in the middle of the night or early, which he often does.
It makes me sad sometimes that something I loved so much with Max is just not apart of the equation with the twins. When I do BF R, I'm watching the clock and counting the minutes most of the time (since it is in the middle of the night and I'm usually hoping for more sleep) and I remind myself that I could just give him a bottle and be done with it, but I give him that special time when I can.
Mostly, I'm okay with how things are. The babies are growing nicely. Things are perfect or how I would have wanted or planned, but it works and it is best for the entire family.
Now, if I can just manage not to spoil any more milk, I'll be happy.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Oh, those things they say
Conversations with Max are (mostly)* quite fun right now.
The scene: Tonight as we were cuddling in bed talking about tomorrow.
Max: I can't go to school tomorrow because I'm sick.
Me: Sick, what kind of sickness.
Max: My throat is in my bottom and the food is falling into my feet.
Me: I can see how that would be a problem, but you are still going to school tomorrow.
There was a funny one last night/early this morning when he climbed in bed with me. It is a bit of a blur right now, but was something about being afraid of tigers getting him, sharks, and crocodiles eat people sometimes, you know. Yeah, sometimes. My very sympathetic response was something to the affect that I would not let a tiger or a shark eat him and that yes sometimes crocodiles did try to eat people, where did you hear that by the way, now, don't tell me, none of those things are in our house and you can stay in my bed if you be quite and let us go back to sleep.
He's started to use this expression of "you can do xyz, if you want to" when he really wants you to do something in the cutest tone of voice that makes you want to. Like, you can feed N at the table with me while I eat. Yeah, if you want to." Or, "R can come read books with us tonight...if he wants to".
Death has been coming up a lot. I didn't think the death year was supposed to be 4, but I guess we entered it early. It has come up off and on since Shadow died. He pulls out a book to read every now and again on it. He's asking where heaven is and how you get there and talks about the Rainbow bridge, where Shadow is. The other night, he says to me, yeah, but only doggies can die, not you and not children. Gulp! I went into a simple and brief explaination about the circle of life and that all things die eventually when it is there time, but this is a conversation for another time since it is past your bedtime.
The daddy thing has also been coming up a lot. Maybe I've already mentioned this? Twice recently when people were over he has insisted he has a daddy who is coming over and then goes to look out the window and open the door for him. We also do pretend play where I'm the daddy and he's the mommy or He's the mommy and I'm the son or He's the daddy and I'm the mommy or He's the daddy and his stuffed animals are his son's or He's the mommy and has 5 babies in his tummy. I just point out that all families are different or that yes, it would be really great to have a daddy to do xyz with or we don't have a daddy because mommy didn't get married, but loved you so much already that a doctor helped her or that we are a mommy and kid family or some such explaination as seems to fit the situation at the time. I also make sure I point out other families that are also a mommy and kid family (one of the local SMC's son's is a few years older and goes to the same preschool as Max, but both are in the all day program so get joined together in the afternoon). So far, I think it is more trying to figure it out and a whimsy thing ...like it would be nice to have Aunt K come over and stay the night kind of thing.
Amyway, all three kids were up at various points last night and what sleep I had was pretty broken so I'm going to try to fall asleep early then wake to pump or maybe I should just pump now to reset the clock? Hmmm, decisions, decisions, decisions.
* When he isn't calling everyone poopy, himself spitter...and then trying to spit on you or whoever is in sight, or whatever inappropriate thing he thinks is hilarious at the moment.
The scene: Tonight as we were cuddling in bed talking about tomorrow.
Max: I can't go to school tomorrow because I'm sick.
Me: Sick, what kind of sickness.
Max: My throat is in my bottom and the food is falling into my feet.
Me: I can see how that would be a problem, but you are still going to school tomorrow.
There was a funny one last night/early this morning when he climbed in bed with me. It is a bit of a blur right now, but was something about being afraid of tigers getting him, sharks, and crocodiles eat people sometimes, you know. Yeah, sometimes. My very sympathetic response was something to the affect that I would not let a tiger or a shark eat him and that yes sometimes crocodiles did try to eat people, where did you hear that by the way, now, don't tell me, none of those things are in our house and you can stay in my bed if you be quite and let us go back to sleep.
He's started to use this expression of "you can do xyz, if you want to" when he really wants you to do something in the cutest tone of voice that makes you want to. Like, you can feed N at the table with me while I eat. Yeah, if you want to." Or, "R can come read books with us tonight...if he wants to".
Death has been coming up a lot. I didn't think the death year was supposed to be 4, but I guess we entered it early. It has come up off and on since Shadow died. He pulls out a book to read every now and again on it. He's asking where heaven is and how you get there and talks about the Rainbow bridge, where Shadow is. The other night, he says to me, yeah, but only doggies can die, not you and not children. Gulp! I went into a simple and brief explaination about the circle of life and that all things die eventually when it is there time, but this is a conversation for another time since it is past your bedtime.
The daddy thing has also been coming up a lot. Maybe I've already mentioned this? Twice recently when people were over he has insisted he has a daddy who is coming over and then goes to look out the window and open the door for him. We also do pretend play where I'm the daddy and he's the mommy or He's the mommy and I'm the son or He's the daddy and I'm the mommy or He's the daddy and his stuffed animals are his son's or He's the mommy and has 5 babies in his tummy. I just point out that all families are different or that yes, it would be really great to have a daddy to do xyz with or we don't have a daddy because mommy didn't get married, but loved you so much already that a doctor helped her or that we are a mommy and kid family or some such explaination as seems to fit the situation at the time. I also make sure I point out other families that are also a mommy and kid family (one of the local SMC's son's is a few years older and goes to the same preschool as Max, but both are in the all day program so get joined together in the afternoon). So far, I think it is more trying to figure it out and a whimsy thing ...like it would be nice to have Aunt K come over and stay the night kind of thing.
Amyway, all three kids were up at various points last night and what sleep I had was pretty broken so I'm going to try to fall asleep early then wake to pump or maybe I should just pump now to reset the clock? Hmmm, decisions, decisions, decisions.
* When he isn't calling everyone poopy, himself spitter...and then trying to spit on you or whoever is in sight, or whatever inappropriate thing he thinks is hilarious at the moment.
Twin Milestone
I gave the twins cereal this evening for the first time. It was a whim, just to see how they would do. I had been kind of holding off to have someone to do pictures, but...that wasn't going to happen in the forseable future and I didn't really want to take them to their next peds appointment without at least giving it a go. The expressions were priceless, especially R. Like...what kind of crap are you putting in my mouth. R just pushed it back out with his tongue after rolling it around in there a bit. N also pushed out, but like in all things is much more dramatic. When I kept giving it to her, she gagged and made it clear she would continue and (pretend to) choke. Maybe I'll try again in a few days/next week.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
LoveHate*
Things I have a love/hate* relationship with...in no particular order....
- My work
- My nanny
- Pumping
* Okay, love and hate are really probably too strong of words. It is more a like and dislike kind of thing.
- My work
- My nanny
- Pumping
* Okay, love and hate are really probably too strong of words. It is more a like and dislike kind of thing.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Angels and Blessings
Sometimes I think about angels and blessings and how things end up working out. For example, when my cousin came this summer. She was an angel and it was blessing and I don't know how I would have done it this summer without her. In college, my Aunt (who happens to be my cousin T, who came out this summer, mom...and my Godmother) randomly sent me some money with instructions that I needed to do something fun with it. She only did it that one time, and it came at a time when I really, really, really needed some extra cash for some expenses. It was like a God send. A friend who calls at just the right time so that you can laugh or cry and share.
Today, Max and I headed to the snow. I was getting a bit worried that it might have all melted and the place where I was headed and told was the place to go only had snow on private property. I asked someone and he pointed me further up the hill to the very top. When I got to what was the peak, there was a closed campground gated for the winter, but there was a hill and snow so I stopped and got out and got Max and I ready. Just as we were about to head down the hill, another family with 4 kids pulled up and got out. The youngest was three. I had borrowed a sled, a disk, and a snow tube from a neighbor and a friend. Since we were only using one, I pulled the others out so the other family could use them since they didn't have anything with them. We all just had a good ole time in the snow together for the next 90+ minutes taking turns and helping the kids up and down the hill. It was much more fun for Max to have other kids there and much easier for me because the other mom and I often just stayed at the top helping the kids get on the gear and the dad stayed at the bottom, "caught" the kids, and helped the little ones back up. They had more fun because I had equipment and we had more fun and more help. I just love win-wins. And, in the believe it or not, it is a small world..they live two blocks from Max's preschool. Anyway, we did end up having a good time. No pictures because it was a bit too slippery and I needed to stay in the moment. But, it got me thinking once again about angels and blessings and how things end up working out sometimes.
I really hadn't taken Max to the snow and it was one of the things I have been wanting to do and the timing didn't work for anyone else to go with, but was the only day I really could do it this vacation. And, Max did not want to get his pictures taken. He covered his face and refused to take one with me on Christmas and Christmas eve, but I really wanted to get updated family pictures before I went back to work and for the holiday's. You noticed how happy and smiling he was on the photos? Yes? I did what any good mom would do, bribery...incentive...oh, you want to go to the snow? Then, I need good cooperation and a good listener. Hey it worked and I needed and wanted to pay out.
N, the one I can usually count on to sleep through, was up more than she was asleep last night and screaming her head off last night. That girl sure has a pair of lungs on her that one. Not much sleep for either of us, then with the snow trip, I'm wiped. But, in spite of the hard nights, the more difficult, and the harder parts of parenting, I feel so blessed.
Angels and Blessings. Sometimes, you can see them in the more ordinary ways and places, like a random Tuesday, the last of the year.
Today, Max and I headed to the snow. I was getting a bit worried that it might have all melted and the place where I was headed and told was the place to go only had snow on private property. I asked someone and he pointed me further up the hill to the very top. When I got to what was the peak, there was a closed campground gated for the winter, but there was a hill and snow so I stopped and got out and got Max and I ready. Just as we were about to head down the hill, another family with 4 kids pulled up and got out. The youngest was three. I had borrowed a sled, a disk, and a snow tube from a neighbor and a friend. Since we were only using one, I pulled the others out so the other family could use them since they didn't have anything with them. We all just had a good ole time in the snow together for the next 90+ minutes taking turns and helping the kids up and down the hill. It was much more fun for Max to have other kids there and much easier for me because the other mom and I often just stayed at the top helping the kids get on the gear and the dad stayed at the bottom, "caught" the kids, and helped the little ones back up. They had more fun because I had equipment and we had more fun and more help. I just love win-wins. And, in the believe it or not, it is a small world..they live two blocks from Max's preschool. Anyway, we did end up having a good time. No pictures because it was a bit too slippery and I needed to stay in the moment. But, it got me thinking once again about angels and blessings and how things end up working out sometimes.
I really hadn't taken Max to the snow and it was one of the things I have been wanting to do and the timing didn't work for anyone else to go with, but was the only day I really could do it this vacation. And, Max did not want to get his pictures taken. He covered his face and refused to take one with me on Christmas and Christmas eve, but I really wanted to get updated family pictures before I went back to work and for the holiday's. You noticed how happy and smiling he was on the photos? Yes? I did what any good mom would do, bribery...incentive...oh, you want to go to the snow? Then, I need good cooperation and a good listener. Hey it worked and I needed and wanted to pay out.
N, the one I can usually count on to sleep through, was up more than she was asleep last night and screaming her head off last night. That girl sure has a pair of lungs on her that one. Not much sleep for either of us, then with the snow trip, I'm wiped. But, in spite of the hard nights, the more difficult, and the harder parts of parenting, I feel so blessed.
Angels and Blessings. Sometimes, you can see them in the more ordinary ways and places, like a random Tuesday, the last of the year.
Monday, December 29, 2008
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