Blue

I'm feeling blue. As a color, it's one of my favorites. As an emotion or state of mind, I'm not too fond of it. Mostly, this is related to work, but as such, I can't really talk about it. And, all the people I would have talked about it in the past are long gone or too busy or both. This realization was triggered by an email I read that was neither bad nor good really but interesting in what it could or could not mean. In the past, I would have called up any handful of people to ponder, discuss, and theorize. Today, I realized none of those people were left. In another email, I read that we are only two thirds through with job cuts.

The project I'm working on is messed up and things aren't getting turned around fast enough and I'm working long hours. I've been fortunate that most of my career work has been fun and I've really enjoyed it. Now, more often than not it feels like work. How can I motivate others to increase their productivity when I'm not feeling very motivated or being very productive myself? Waa waa, cry me a river.

I'm keeping my eye out for a new job, but nothing really fits. There was only one that seemed like it was a great match and I've never heard back, probably paid too much/overqualified. The rest are not even close enough to make it worth my while to apply in this type of market while there are too many others looking for work with more energy, motivation, and time.

I guess I should be happy that I have a job that pays decent, if less than what it did in the past. Luckily, I have not been affected as severly as others (like my current boss, specifics unknown but implied significant) with the worst being a woman on my team whose husband is in the hospital that has been the sole family provider for years due to his disability and a daughter off to college getting hit with a 30% pay cut on top (I believe) of the across the board cuts. Too many people are working too hard/long (even if not productively and efficiently at the moment) to not be able to pay their bills, let alone the ones who don't have jobs.

Maybe I'll email or call my old boss who retired last year. We haven't talked in awhile.