Undeserved

I've been troubled by something odd this week. I had a performance review and received an "above average" rating on my performance. Now, in truth, I can't remember a time in recent years when I haven't received such a rating, but they changed the definitions, the criteria if you will, for this review and based on that, I truly shouldn't have received that rating. When I got the review, I was happy, but surprised. I talked to my peer, a guy I have a lot of respect for a bit later to give him a "heads up" on something that came up in the course of my conversation with my boss that he would want to know about. My peer had also had his review that day and asked me straight out what I had received. It made me uncomfortable and maybe I shouldn't have, but I told him. My peer received an average rating and I got the hard coveted above average for the group. And, I know in my heart of hearts that our performance is similar and should have received a similar rating. However, I have a better/more known history not only with my boss, but my boss's boss, who is new to being his boss, and who I have worked as a peer with in the past. So, this is really good news for me and sucky for him and I have been feeling bad about it.

Yesterday, I signed the loan docs for my refinance and woke up feeling a bit stressed about the monthly payment and how much of my paycheck it was going to take and how I was going to make ends meet and what and where could I cut back on to make things so there won't be so financially tight because there is no way I can afford to pay any credit card debt along with this mortgage payment.

I started thinking that what I really need is more money each month. And, finally, I'm not feeling so badly for the rating anymore because it means that I will likely get a raise sooner rather than later and that will help. I'm not usually a person so driven by money, but at times like these it will sure come in handy and help.