Ba Bye

Warning! Rant ahead…..

I’m tired! I’m burnt out! I am so happy to see my company (cousin and two of her three kids) go. They leave tonight on the red eye. My cousin has come for as long as 6 weeks and things have been fine. She has only been here for 8 days and I am more than ready for her to go. I don’t think I have ever been so happy to see anyone leave. I am used to company. I LIKE having people come and stay.

It is nothing big. Just lots and lots of little things. Little irritating things. That all add up.

I think it has something to do with the subtle difference between being a servant and providing a service; me now being a mom; me getting even less sleep; and her kids being older (which she is thrilled about).

She has been passive aggressive almost the entire visit.

My cousin has never been the best at picking up after herself. At times, you could probably even call her lazy. With Naomi here, she hasn’t really even made an effort or had her kids make an effort to pick up ANYTHING. She just leaves everything assuming Naomi will do it. She has made comments every day like “no wonder you are so calm after having Max” you have someone here to do everything for you and take care of everything. GRRRR. It was a huge struggle for me to go back to work and have someone come in to help. I wish I had another choice.

She was a SAHM when her kids were young and now works part time with very flexible hours for her church. I explain that there are trade offs. She was able to stay home with her kids. I don’t have that opportunity. Etc. She just doesn’t get it. On the weekend, she said I just don’t see how you do it on the weekends without Naomi here. This was said as she was doing nothing and I was unloading/reloading the dishwasher and picking up the mess she, her kids, my mom had left laying around while I had a brief period of down time while Max was napping.

On Tuesday, she put apple peels down the sink and clogged it. It took me about 2 hours to take apart the pipes, figure out where it was clogged, and it all back together again. She didn’t offer to help. She didn’t apologize. In fact, she went to get her son “In and Out” Burgers and found other things “to do” like sit outside and read her book and say what a great time she was having. I had taken the afternoon off to visit with her and we were supposed to meet up with a friend that she knows and likes. I spent it fixing my sink instead. GRRRR.

Someone broke the toilet. No big deal really. The chain just came unhooked. I just couldn’t get to it and talked her through how to fix it. She couldn’t do it. She did try after I specifically asked and got a bit prissy about it, but she didn’t do it right and I had to go and redo it later. That is why she is married and has a husband. Yes, she actually said this to me (but not about this particular item). GRRRR.

I went to make toast this morning. No bread. Went to go get a soda. No soda. There was the caffeinated soda she likes and drinks, but none of the caffeine free stuff that I drink. She had just been to the store yesterday (several times) to get snacks and treats for her and the kids and milk. She knew, but I didn’t, that we were low on these items. She didn’t get them. She knew I was upset this morning because she made some comment to her daughter that I was upset with her because we were out. I replied that I wasn’t upset with her, per se, but that I was frustrated because the last of these items were used and not replaced and/or I wasn’t told. She said that “maybe” she would run around today to get them. She has laid around all day except for running out once again to get burgers for her kids for lunch. She had to go right past the grocery store. She didn’t stop. As she told me, this is “HER” vacation. Doesn’t she realize that it is hard for me to get to the store with Max and that I really won’t have a chance again until this weekend? GRRRR.

One night while she was here, I had very little sleep and still had to work, take care of everything like I normally would, and everything extra because she and family were here. She asked my how I slept and I said not great. She kept going on and on and on about how great she slept. How wonderful it was? How nice it was to be on vacation and not have to worry about anything. How nice it is that her kids are older now and self sufficient. Whatever.

I could go on and on. I have many more examples. I won’t. I guess I just never really realized that she was so self-absorb, lazy, selfish. I guess I always believed her when she said I just didn’t understand “because I didn’t have kids”.

Well, now I do have a kid. And, I realize that it isn’t the fact that she has kids. It is her.

The other really odd thing is that she really hasn’t held, played with, or interacted with Max the entire time she was here, except for when others (my friends, my sisters) were around, THEN she wanted to play the loving Aunt. She thanked me for not assuming that she wanted to watch Max and having Naomi continue to come almost full time while she was here. Max got fussy with her almost every time she decided to “play” aunt because he doesn’t really know her and she was a bit maniac about her attention.

It was almost comical on Sunday during lunch. I didn’t really want to go because I had been running all week and Sunday’s I have set aside to be “my” day with Max. No one asked me what I wanted and it was planned because it was what Terri wanted. When I pointed this out, she said, fine. They would be happy to go without me. Everyone could pay for her instead of me after all, she was turning 40 too at the end of the year. Anyway, I digress. I decided to open a bottle of wine (at 11:30 am) and have some because I was pissed because I hadn’t had breakfast because I was trying to get Max down for a nap, but he was over tired because we did a later hike and got back later. Then, I picked up the entire house, then I found out that my sisters were going to be late. Wait, still not to my point, but I was feeling much better about the whole thing after 2 glasses of wine. Anyway, I asked my sister Julie to feed back (baby food) at the restraint, because she has such enthusiasm and makes up all these silly games. It amuses me. I love to hear her do it and Max really does eat well for her. Terri kept saying comments like “I could do it”. Finally, my sister passed Max over to her and she sat him in her lap. I had made a comment that I couldn’t feed him one handed on my lap. I can’t. Too messy. She looks right at me and says another passive aggressive comment like “you can’t do this? You just need more practice” or something like that. I just ignored that comment like I have so many others this week.

Maybe she is trying to get a rise out of me? It hasn’t worked so far. Or, maybe she doesn’t realize it. I can’t really tell.

Part of me is sad because I have always loved having her. She has come every year since her daughter who is now 8 was 6 months (Max’s age now). Her husband’s sister is living in England right now. I think they are going there this summer instead of coming here. Instead of being sad, I am relieved.

After this trip, I am not sure I could have taken it and still kept our friendship. It is almost like she wants me to be complaining about how hard it is and see me struggle. I guess she really struggled when her kids were young and money was very tight for them at the time. Maybe she is resentful because of that??

I don’t know. I am hiding in my office pretending to work. I guess both toilets are now broken. The one in my room is backed up and overflowing because someone had too big of a poop and the chain has fallen off the other one again.

Instead of rereading this, making sure I don’t have any errors and that it makes some semblance of sense since I moved and added things and haven't read it, just vented, I am going to take a deep breath and fix both toilets reminding myself that they will be gone in a few hours. Then, I am going to let Naomi go home and I am going to walk Max and my dogs in the rain. Then, I am going to take them to the airport with a smile on my face and tell them how glad I was that they came out and how I hoped they had a great time.

And, I am going to hug them and say Ba Bye! (and hope that traffic isn’t totally awful, Max doesn’t scream the entire way, etc.)