The Rose

Bette Midler - The Rose

The Rose
Bette Midler
Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower and you, it's only seed
It's the heart, afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying that never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose

I haven't heard this song in ages.   It came across my my Facebook feed quite randomly today..or perhaps synchronicity was involved.  It brought back some great memories and made me smile.  It spoke to my heart as much today as yesteryear.  

I remember as a young girl...maybe late middle school/early high school...playing this over and over and over memorizing every word I loved it so much.

I turned 50 last month.  I spent my 49th year growing and planting seeds and preparing for my second 50.  I spent my 49th year opening my heart, thinking about and creating my big dreams. I spent my 49th year soul searching and realizing I wasn't who or where I wanted to be.  I don't have all the answers and maybe I never will, but I want to enjoy the journey more.

I'm releasing the past.  I'm trying to let the future take care of itself.  I'm working on letting the now be enough, be more than enough.  I've planted my seeds and with the sun's love, I am becoming like the rose.

In my next 50, I vow to laugh more frequently, to love more fiercely and more patiently, to live more purposefully.  

Milestones

What I should be doing right now is washing the dishes and getting the house and yard ready for a party I'm hosting this afternoon as it is no way company ready, but alas, I think I'll enjoy a few more minutes of peace and quiet before the kids wake.

Clearly, I don't have the passion for keeping the blog updated. In part, that is because things just happen so fast right now that I'm too busy living a busy life and trying to enjoy my kids and work and keep up with things that there is no way to blog about it all and it seem too hard to try to just pick out a snippet.

However, we have had some big changes. The kids are growing up so darn fast. Becoming a mom, while probably one of the hardest and most time consuming, is the best thing I ever did.

In June, we took our first family vacation to spend 4 days at Legoland. On the way home, we swong by the peds for the twins 3 year old checkup. Stats are around here someplace, but all is basically well and growing nicely and doing great.

We have transitioned from having a nanny to the twins being in preschool. They just finished 3rd week yesterday. They LOVED it week one and were tired cranky pots when they got home. N cried and fought it week 2 and R was more hesitant and there were many rough mornings trying to get us ready and out. Everything seemed to settle in on week 3.

R is allegedly pee'ing and poo'ing in the potty at school, although he won't at home.

N will pee and poo in thepotty at home, although she won't at school.

Max is doing great. He just finished week 3 of a 4 week summer incoming K in the morning, then is being walked over to the preschool to finish the day. Originally, I wanted him at the elementary the whole day, but ...he broke his arm...so I decided to change things up, pull him out of summer basketball and keep him at the preschool. Arm is fine and been out of the cast for 2 weeks now. Reminds me, we have a follow up appointment this week to check it out. In the alls well that turns out well philosophy, he has been so happy to share his school with his brother and sister before he moves on and the teachers say he is so great with them and checking on them before he will play once he is walked over. And, I think it has helped the twins transition as well.

Things are settling in and changing. I can't say I make things easy on myself and even in summer it seems like the pace is too fast. Going into July we had a total of 3 days with no plans. We need more days with nothing better to do than just hang out in our swimsuits and swim and just be.

The first few years of the twins life were really hard and stressful and life can still be busy and hard and stressful, but I feel so blessed and like I have made it "to the other side" where I can (and do) have and make time to just enjoy life and the kids.

Just in case

There has been some email traffic and "talk" on my local single mom lists over the last week or so about emergency preparedness. It made me realize that what I used to have in place isn't organized in a fashion to be readily useful in a true emergency and as a single mom to three young children wouldn't have been adequate anyway.

After a late start, then a mad dash to walk the dog and get to Max's first T-ball game, home to throw together a quick lunch, then change and get the twins ready for nap*, my mom watch the kids and I attended a free emergency preparedness class.

It was worth the time. I figured I'd share my take aways which will also help me organize my notes and think about my "goals".

One of my biggest takes aways was a comment that if we took nothing else from the class, we should think about and write out our "goals" of what we wanted to get done/prepared. Clearly, it is a mindset and a process. He suggested making a goal for the week, the month, the year.

Example 1: One of his suggestions is to have a 30 day supply of canned food at the ready.

To reach that ultimate goal, he suggested that you make a list of what your family would need for a day, create a menu of sort, and that maybe one of your goals was that every time you go to Costco or the store you pick up a day's worth until you build up to a month supply. So, one of my goals for this week is to make up a menu for a week based solely on canned food and then get a week supply of food within the month, with a mini goal to get a days worth of food in a week to build up.

Example: One of his suggestions is to scan all of your important documents like insurance, birth certificates, car titles, house titles, mortgage information (and I'll add medical records and copies of ID's) you might need and put it on a USB. Keep one copy in your emergency kit, one in a safe deposit, and one with a family member.

I have several USB's already just around so my mini goals would be to 1) find them 2) start scanning and adding a bit at a time (or maybe take a vacation day and just get it done?...will have to think about that). But, I'm not going to try to tackle that until I get my taxes done.

Example: Keep cash on hand and in small bills like 1's and 5's. In a true emergency, cash is king and credit card authorizations won't be possible and banks wouldn't be open. He didn't say and I didn't think to ask what amount is recommended. I've heard an amount before...maybe at least $500 or $1000 (or more?)?

One of my goals is to slowly add $40 dollars a month with $10 of it in $5's and $3o's in $1's.

I asked the instructor in order of priority what is the hierarchy of needs. Maybe kind of obvious, but my take away ....

1) Water
2) Food
3) Lighting
4) First Aid
5) Comfort items like toiletries such as soap, toothpaste, toothbrush, a change of clothes, a blanket.
6) Communication items

1) Water: Recommendation was to plan for a gallon a day per person. Because of the breakdown of plastic, he did not recommend bottled water, but boxed (like the juice boxes) or bags for cars and a bin (is that what you call it?) for the house. I had always assumed that I could use the pool water, but that isn't advised apparently. I bought eight servings of water (4 boxed and 4 bagged) for now for each of my kits (which I decided would be one for the house and one for each car). I would have gotten more, but I had to park WAY down the street and knew I couldn't carry everything back. One of my goals and probably my first big purchase would be price out and get a 50 gallon water supply (which lasts up to 5 years) for the house, then a 3 day supply to keep in the car.

2) Food: Long term, as already mentioned, was to have a 30 day supply of canned food (and maybe even boxed milk like rice milk?) on hand and a 3 day supply of grab and go ready in an emergency. Today, I bought a 3 day supply of mainstay energy bar's/food that has a 5 year shelf life for each of my 3 kits. His recommendation was once a year, he does it in September right after the kids go back to school, was to go through his 3o day supply and replace it. He said they donate their whole supply to charity and rebuild it once a year. Since some canned food can have a shelf life of several years, I'll probably keep it sorted by expiration date or something and swap out anything expiring within the next year.

Start of my food list: Canned tuna, chicken, (other meat/protein?). Canned vegetables. Canned/jarred fruit. Maybe some soups. Beans? I was thinking about those small packages of condiments like mayo that wouldn't need to be refrigerated. Maybe some rice or other boxed milk and cereal. Probably some crackers. I'll have to give it more thought and come up with a menu that I could keep with it.

The other somewhat of a food related item I bought today was a butane stove with 4 butane tanks as I had been thinking about getting one anyway for camping. The butane is safe for indoor use.

3) Lighting: Basically, the recommendation was to have flashlights all over the house, light sticks, electricity fail lights throughout the house (that charge when plugged in and if the electricity fails, will come on, and can also be used as a flashlight), camping lanterns. The biggest point on lighting was battaries, batteries, batteries. Keep a good supply on hand as you just can't find them in a true emergency and that light can keep you safe and bring comfort and calm.

My sister got me a LED lantern for camping (and without knowing, I had gotten her one as well:) so I had that and Santa and the Easter bunny bring flashlights every year so I we have quite a few, but they do need to be found. Today, I bought a few light sticks because they were cheap (under $2) and 4 electricity fail lights (one for each bedroom and one for the main part of the house).

4) First Aid: They have a lot of kits from the basic to the elaborate. I decided to not buy a kit for now, but to better organize what I have in the house and figure out what I need so that I can have a small first aid kit for each of my emergency bags. I did buy a total of 12 emergency blankets @ $1.30 each so I could put 4 in each of my emergency bags. Figured it was a cheap insurance, just in case. I have one or two in the messy hall closet that I used to keep in my hiking kit that I should find and add as well. He also mentioned keeping a supply of needed medication on hand and things like Excedrin or Tylenol.

5) Comfort Items: For myself in my travel days, I had a good toiletry, personal hygiene, that could be grab and go. I need to get one organized for the kids. His recommendation was to use the hotel soaps and shampoo's and giveaway type items to keep it small and light. Since the children leave their toothbrushes around for the dog to chew on a regular basis, I've been picking up spares as I find them on sale. I'm going to continue to do that and build up a small set for the house first, then the minivan, then the other car (which I plan to "sell" to my mom in the fall to my mom when the twins go to school full time as without a nanny I don't really need to run with 2 cars).

6) Communication items: He didn't spend too much time in this area, but interestingly enough did recommend that if people didn't have facebook or twitter, they may want to set up an account because in the last few disasters, people have been able to use it to let people know where they are and that they are safe. He also recommended an emergency radio that can run by hand crank, AC adapter or batteries that could also charge cell phones (if you have a USB to phone adapter). He mentioned that texting was also a primary communication method in Japan and gave an example recently where cell service went down, but texting still worked. The most basic recommendation was to have a phone for the house that doesn't need electricity. I actually have one that I kept in my room, but the twins kept walking off with it and taking it off the hook, so I need to find it or replace it.

I bought a cheaper and more basic emergency radio that could operate by hand crank or battery. Part of the reason is that I think I'm going to invest in a portable solar powered system that I could use to charge the cell phone and laptop, but more importantly to me a neubutlizer...just in case. R's lung issues have gotten a lot better, but an earthquake or fire will likely degrade air quality.

7) Tools: This is a section I'm going adding as I made notes on some things I need to pull together or get. The one tool I purchased today (actually got two, one for each car), was a cheep little gadget that could break glass and cut a car seat belt in emergency if needed. I'll add sanitation type items. He talked about keeping 10 gallon heavy duty bags on hand to line the toilets, with either some chemicals or kitty litter to help keep the smell down, in case you don't have running water or the sewage system isn't working.

Bigger Ticket Items on my list:
- 50 gal water system
- Portable solar system

Smaller items:
- Large plastic bins to store 30 day food supply, camping gear
- Backpacks for under each of our beds to include whistle (so that kids/people) can whistle if they are trapped or hurt), flashlight, light stick, hard sole shoes, a set of clothes, and toys, books, crayons/paper, something to keep each child entertained (the recommendation is to have older kids pack their own/have input)
- Crow Bar (to help pry open a door if needed
- Tools to add to my camping supply/emergency bin (like screwdrivers, pliers, a mallet)
- Portable toilet (have already been looking at for camping and would put in my camping supply/emergency bins.
- Fire extinguisher for house and car

Locations:
- Emergency kit for the house and each car.
- Store 30 day supply of food and grab and go emergency bag by the front door.
- Camping/emergency bin in the garage that is easy to get to.
- Side of house water system, bin with basic supplies

Other recommendations:
- Have an evacuation plan ready with a checklist of what you would grab if you had 5, 10, or 15 minutes to get out of the house.
- Remember your pets and have food, supplies, any medication for them including leashes and a crate.
- He touched on smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors (which apparently sometime this year are going to become mandatory for each home in CA), which I already have.
- He talked about safety ladders and how to use them and practicing with the kids by having them go up first and then eventually down.
- He talked about strapping things down and that most injuries happen from broken glass cutting up hands/feet (recommends a pair of leather work gloves and hard sole shoes in each emergency kit). I bought a strap to anchor a bookcase today, which was already on my to do list.
- He recommended keeping in the nightstand a flashlight, whistle, and non-electric phone (that could just be plugged into a jack. I asked how one kept toddlers for keeping them there. :)

Emergency Kits

House - Water, Food, Flashlight and/or light stick, shoes, gloves, emergency radio, wipes, toilet paper, non-water hand cleaner, whistle, crow bar, basic tools, first aid supplies, emergency blankets, toiletries, coffee if you are a coffee drinker

Backpack for each person under bed - Flashlight and/or lightstick, shoes (that fit), whistle, clothes such as socks and sweats, toys such as legos, books, paper/crayons

Car - Water, Food, Flashlight and/or light stick, wipes, toilet paper, first aid kit, emergency blanket, potentially a portable toilet/bags for disposal, emergency radio? basic tools?

Hope this can help help someone else think through what they might need or not. It has given me many things to think through and get in place.



* which reportedly they did not do, but did play quietly in their rooms for awhile. The good news with that is that I was able to put them to bed early-ish/on time (with the time change) and we may finally be almost back on track schedule wise.

all about Max

I still haven't gotten around to scanning Max's school and basketball pictures.* He is growing so fast.

He got accepted into the Kindergarten we wanted. The form and deposit to hold his spot has been dropped off.

He is growing so fast. I'm not joking when I say that he is going to be taller than me soon.

He is really smart. I don't have much to compare it, but his teachers and those who do tell me it is so. He's got a quick mind (and whit) and is very drawn to math and science. Last month, he asked and asked how many seconds were in 10 months so finally I figured it out. Upon giving him the answer, he responded "great, that's how many seconds until Christmas". Yes, he sure loves that holiday, as do I.

Actually, he likes all holiday's. Tomorrow is St. Paddy's day and I'll be in his class making St. Patrick day necklaces and other such fun and crafts. He's going to wear his leprechaun costume from Halloween and try to trick people into thinking he a real leprechaun. He's looking forward to it.

Being a glutton for punishment, T-ball started last week and first game is Saturday if we don't get rained out. And, I signed him up for summer basketball today. This will keep us on a practice and game pretty each week for months and months and months. I really don't like being so busy, but he LOVES it, seems to be picking things up fast, and the twins are getting used to being dragged along and things are getting a bit easier to drag them.

I about lost it with him last night when we couldn't find his brand new mitt. The one just purchased this weekend that hadn't even made it to a practice let alone a game. Luckily, it was found under a blanket on the top bunk instead of being left at the park with the nanny a few days earlier as he thought. I've decided I'm going to look at getting the sporting supplies at the big consignment sales so I'm not so upset when the get lost or ruined or chewed up by the dog (which was found in his mouth just after it was purchased and Max has been reminded on a regular basis to make sure it is up so the dog and his brother and sister can't get it.

Mostly, he is an even keeled kid who rarely cries, gets along with most, and is generally well behaved. He let's R get under his skin and get him worked up in fast order sometimes, but especially if he is tired. R seems to know just how to make him angry or cry. They have been playing together more and fighting more.

The other day, almost out of the blue, he asked me what would happen to him if I died. I told him his Aunt T and Uncle J would take care of him. To which he said, okay, and moved on.

He's been asking a lot about kids and can they go to jail or do only adults go to jail. And, when the police will come and arrest someone or give them a ticket. And, armies, and guns. The other week when our car broke down in the middle lane and someone helped me push it to the side. He got a bit upset that the police were going to come and give us a ticket or arrest us. I explained that in this case, if the police came, they would help us. But, I think he was relieved when the tow truck got there so he didn't have to test that theory out.

Last week was election day here and the polling place for our precinct continues to be our garage. He was so excited about it and wanted to see it set up and the voting signs before school. On the way to school, he asked me how I was going to vote and I told him I still need to decide. He told me I should vote 1) for no more bad guys in the world 2) no robbers in our area 3) no guns since they can hurt or kill people. I told him those sounded like very great things to vote for and I would.

A few months ago, he had his best buddy over and I heard him on the other side of the yard telling him "N is my FRIEND as well as my sister, you need to be nice to her". Oh, my heart melted. He went on to say "R is just my brother and not my friend, go ahead and be mean to him". Sigh. The thing is...R really can be mean and a trouble maker, but that is a whole other topic for another day.

The other day he asked me if boys could marry boys and I explained that in some states. He then goes on to say that he is going to marry his best buddy K. I said that was fine as long as K agreed because in order to marry, both people had to want it and agree. He goes on to ask if he could marry me if K didn't want to marry him. When I told him in no states would this be allowed, he said asked if we could move out of country. I told him if he still wanted to marry me when he was 18 we could look into it. :)

He and K have really missed being at the same school this year and not seeing each other every day. K's mom and I have tried to get them together at least once or twice a month. I think more than learning Kindergarten things, he is most looking forward to seeing K in after care each day. From what I hear from K's mom, the feeling is mutual. Max's teacher and I talked about their friendship because she taught K last year and commented that while Max had friends in the class this year, nothing like the bond he has with K. I was commenting that in a way, I find the draw a bit odd, because they are very different. K could care less about sports, or Wii, or computer games. Mrs. P thinks it is because they are both really smart and have a similar sense of humor. We will see if they will be smart enough to stay out of big trouble as they grow.

Max still isn't fully reading. He can and does pick out words here and there. He doesn't say much about it, but his teacher and I agree that it drives him crazy that a few other kids in his class are. He has a competitive streak for sure. It seems like he has some trouble sounding out the words to figure them out and then gets frustrated and doesn't want to try. The words he does know, I'm sure are ones that someone has told him and he just has memorized. His memory is long. He has a nack for piecing things together. He may see or hear something and not understand it at the time, but something else days or weeks or months later will come up and he will remember and fit for him. I don't push the reading thing. He's still young and it will click at some point I think.

His fine motor skills, writing, coloring, and drawing is still a bit immature and probably his weakest area. The extra year in the early 5's has made a big difference and I think allowed him to better make the leap to K next year. I think this year he would have really struggled and it would have gotten to his psyche.

He's still my worst sleeper, but sleeps better than ever. Not counting the time change that, as always, has messed things up, his bedtime is usually 7:30 pm (when I leave his room from books and cuddles) and he will play or look at a book or get a yogurt and/or go to the bathroom. He usually falls asleep between 8 - 8:30 pm and is up between 6 - 6:30 am. He has been alternating between sleep on the top or bottom bunk randomly (or so it seems to me).

All in all, I'm really proud of him and how he is growing and maturing. I think as the years go, he is going to give me a run for my money and keep me on my toes, but that he will turn into a fine young man.

* There are still so many things that just don't get done each day, week, month. Heck, the box of Easter decorations have been sitting on the arm of the couch for longer than a week (maybe two?). Sigh.

The best laid plans

I had great plans of starting to blog regularly again with topics lined up to do a post 1) with a psycho analysis introspection on myself, 2) a whole update on Max, 3) then N, 4) then R. 5) Give an update on Speedy the dog. 6) Give an update on City the cat. 7) Talk about my neighbors. Pictures included.

Instead, I've dealt with things like getting my facebook account hacked into; the drama around our preschool director getting placed on admin leave pending investigation; my car breaking down with kids in it; getting the election set up for tomorrow...with all of that happening just today except the fb thing.

Not to mention N falling face first tripping in the school parking lot hitting her forehead and nose (ah those head injuries, especially in one like N who has had hydrocephalus and has a shunt). Getting a bloody nose later tonight making me worried about concussion or internal damage. Probably nothing one can only hope and pray, but I'll be keeping an eye on her.

Breakfast was cereal, on request, which is actually rare around here. Dinner was cereal, again on request, which is unheard of around here. Makes me wonder why I bother to cook as it was such a big hit that all three kids requested thirds.

Probably, the biggest funny of the day is that Max didn't actually have cereal this morning as what was thought to be cereal turned out to be crushed crackers. So, he had crushed crackers with milk and banana this morning. While I told him he could toss it, it tickled his funny bone and he ate it all laughing the entire time at the strangeness and novelty of it.

I hope the car isn't majorly broken, but....I was just driving on home from getting Max from school and it just died. In the middle lane, approaching a busy intersection. At the busiest time of day. With Max and Nora in the car. It was towed. I walked home with the kids.

What I wanted to do is get into this book and stay off the computer as part of my healing and recovering and doing things for yourself plan I have going. What I did is spend an hour or so drafting and sending a leader to our pastor on my thought on the whole preschool situation.

In general, life seems to come on to fast and strong most days. Some days, like today, more than others.

Tomorrow is election day. Voting is in my garage. I haven't even looked at what is on the ballot yet.

Good thing I kept my sense of humor for the most part. Although, I have to say that I almost snatched away that recorder that my cousin passed our way tonight and cracked it in two or more pieces. It sure wasn't helping my splitting headache that was working towards a migraine. I resisted, juts barely. So, it lives to annoy me another day. :)

Really?

Has it really been since August that I posted? How did that happen? Where has the time gone? Can you believe we are already in March? The twins will be three in June? Max 6 in August?

Seems like another school year (Max in the early 5's program at his preschool), Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday have happened, in that order. :)

All is basically good and fine.

Only minor sicknesses with very few trips to the peds.

On the school front, having Max do the early 5's this year I think was a good decision for us. He has liked it and it has given him the extra year I think he needed. I feel like I have had a part time job trying to work out the school situation for next year and gone over the public vs private school decision ad nausea um. Assuming we get accepted, although it will continue to make things very tight financially, I have applications in for Max to go to our church elementary school and the twins to go to our church preschool where Max has gone for the last 3 years. My heart says it is the right thing for us. I like the community. I really like what I have seen and heard from all fronts on the elementary school. I like their use of technology. I like how they handle learning issues and that it is an "inclusion" school. I like the kids/families that we have met in preschool that have gone into K. I have some concerns about class size and that it is too academic and structured, but I have talked to a lot, a lot, a lot of people and it just feels right. I keep trying to convince myself that something I don't have to pay for could feel just as right. But, I've looked and I've talked and it just doesn't. Public school here COULD work, but it would be hit or miss, after school would have to be pieced together and for a price. Working full time and with 2 other kids, I don't want to have to worry so much every year about the quality of teaching, and budget cuts, and needing to make a move later. Probably because I moved so much growing up, I want to be able to just be someplace we like and stay put and to be able to grow up with your friends who are your friends for life. I can tell Max already has one of those with his best bud, who did go to K this year, at same school. And, truth be told, the real expense is not the elementary, but the twins...both of them...in the preschool next year full time. But, again, I like it. A LOT. I like the teachers and the program and how they handle things. So, I will pay. I like it all except the paying part. :)

Halloween, Max went as a leprechaun (they get to trick people and have a pot of gold, you know :), R as a cowboy, N as a cowgirl.

Thanksgiving was nice and spent with my cousins, my mom, aunt and uncle who were in town, the kids, and one of my sisters. Even better, one of my cousins hosted. Especially, since my sister and I took the kids camping earlier in the week. We had such a great time, we area looking around for a small used RV to do more of it. I was on vacation for 2 weeks while the nanny vacationed during which time I made another pass at reclaiming the house, sorting and organizing the kids rooms and clothes.

Christmas was also nice. I was off work for about half the month and we worked down Max's vacation wish list that included things like 1) hosting a Christmas party for his friends 2) taking a day and riding the metro buses/trains 3) a snow trip 4) a beach trip 5) one more that I am now forgetting. We did ultimately get them all done in addition to some play dates and ice skating lessons and cookie making and general hang out and holiday.

January/February have been filled with basketball. Friday night practice and Saturday morning games. It makes the end of the week hectic and it is hard dragging R/N, but he love, love, loves it. End of season party is Friday night. Last game Saturday. Then, we roll into T-ball. Then, summer basketball.

By which time, he will be starting a new school year. See how the time just rolls on and all of a sudden 6 months have passed?

Of course, lots more happened and happens in the daily life with small kids and working and figuring out the logistics.

Some of the stuff big stuff like the mentally unstable neighbor calling child protective service and being investigated, regardless of how bogus the claim was as required by law. Some of the stuff small stuff like getting the dog into the vet and licensed, trying to reclaim my office and sort the mounds of paperwork, planning my monthly activity in Max's classroom, setting up play dates, getting groceries, making sure we have diapers and toilet paper. Then, a bunch of stuff in the middle like the school research, pushing to get R assessed for speech and OT, pushing for services while funding for services are being cut, becoming regular church goers with the twins in Sunday school, searching around and going and looking at RV's. Probably, most importantly, making sure we have time to just "be" and hang out as a family amid the rush of life.

R and N are doing well. They are both still receiving services. Both continue with an early intervention specialist weekly, although we now have (yet another) new one (that we like). Both are now receiving speech. I was able to get N approve much earlier by dropping PT for her and swapping the funds. I had to push for R and he started up a month or so ago. N continues to receive OT and is doing well. We will see how the next eval goes, but she maybe released. I pushed for and finally got (in late January) an OT eval for R that resulted in a request for services primarily for sensory (avoiding) issues. There schedule is schedule is busy with the services and classes and such. They are happy and growing well. R thinks he is the boss of N. N does a good job of allowing it, ignoring it, or pushing back depending on her mood. :)

All mundane life things that somehow don't tend to seem or feel blog worthy. Personally, I've just been recovering from the first few years with preemie twins, a bad work situation, and the stress of it all that I have come to realize caused me to shut down emotionally quite a bit. While I do get out every now and again for a night out, mostly, I'm still caved in a bit. I've been using the time after the kids are in bed as "me" time and not so willing to be on the phone or blogging or anything that will take emotional output or energy.

Mostly, we are just in a pretty good routine. Living an imperfect life with the ups and downs without the extremes of the first few years. While it can still be hard and stressful and logistically challenging, it is all getting easier. And, we are having a lot of fun along the way.

I love being a mom. There are times when I think...I'm finally the koolaid mom I've wanted where the kids (school friends, neighbor kids, etc) are over and playing. I'm where I'm supposed to be in life, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Life just feels "right" even if it is tiring and almost all consuming.

This and That

The days and weeks and months just seem to fly at warp speed and I have a hard time justifying spending time blogging when there is so much left undone at the end of each day.

I find that I keep staying up later and later and telling myself I MUST get to bed earlier so I can get more sleep and it just doesn't seem to happen.

Took the kids camping last weekend and we all had a great time. There were 4 adults, 2 teenagers, and my 3. I see more of it in my future, but decided I need at least 2 extra adults to go with my kids. Luckily, both my sister and cousin (who expected to hate it) also had a great time and want to do more as well. Need to get something planned.

The kids are fine. Max is in summer camp and liking it. He turns 5 next week and I'm taking the day of and we are going to Disneyland for the day (while the twins stay home with the nanny), then a small party for him next weekend. Max is funny and clever and such a good negotiator. He loves to win and so completely doesn't get it when I tell him that having fun and playing fair/nice is more important than winning. He has 4 weeks of swim lessons this summer and did great, but validated my decision to keep him in the early 5's pre school this year. He's not immature, but will benefit from another year of maturity (if that makes sense). He's still so young and yet so grown at the same time. It can be such a contrast. He'll go from board baby and toddler books to chapter books and back in various stages. All of a sudden, I no longer have to get him up every night before bed to prevent an accident.

I'm taking the week off before school starts. We aren't going to go anywhere, but do day trips to the beach, maybe the zoo, travel town, and other fun things that are hard to do on weekends or solo with the kids (as the nanny won't be on vacation and I can drag her along). It will all probably play a bit of havoc on the twins naps, but I think they will be like Max and drop them on the earlier side.

R loves him some trains, which he calls "Percy", especially the Thomas one. Heaven forbid you don't put a fish or shark "nemo" shirt/pants on him with the actual nemo shirt being his favorite. It is getting washed every morning and back on him every afternoon. I almost put it back on him dirty the other day just to avoid the tears and tantrum and "no, nemo. no, no, no, no. NEMO" as only a true terrific two can go on without distraction. He is talking a lot and most of the time even understandable. He has mostly been out of his crazy distructo who are you bad attitude grumpy kid and is actually pleasant to be around most of the time as long as you aren't N.

N is starting to hold her own with her bro's who still like to grab and push her around. The sibling without rivalry book is often in my mind, especially with her, when it talks about not always going to the rescue of the "victim". This morning during speech, she actually told Max, no mine, pushed him away and held on when Max tried to take it away. The therapist and I were so proud. The girl cries so much more than Max or R ever did or would think about (but R is a much bigger whiner). Most of the time, I think it is even real. Tonight, R got hurt and got up on my lap for snuggles. N wanted up. She went to where R got hurt, started crying just like he had and saying owwie, just so she could get up. Note to self (as I saw it all), N can be a total faker to get her way. Watch out for this. She is still receiving speech, OT, and early intervention. She's doing great and starting to talk a lot more. She is just so much slower and methodical about things than her run off half cocked full speed brothers. She has the most radiant smile. I don't usually wear or even have much makeup so she isn't seeing me put it on...maybe ever...yet, she is in my makeup drawer every day pulling things out, trying to figure out what they are and trying to talk me into putting "it" on her. Today, the "it" was mascara. She pitched a fit and threw it into the tub when I wouldn't. :) The girl has a temper, but usually gets over it fast.

Work is fine, busy and going well. Still a bit too busy and stressful, but NOTHING like the last job. If I could just muster energy for a bit more overtime I would be in better shape, but I'm just so tired at the end of the day because I've stayed up far to late the night before and the cycle continues.